(h)Evan Gabriel

Watch this space...

2011-04-10T21:02:00.001+08:00

Updates coming soon. It's been awhile

2010-05-03T21:54:00.006+08:00

Much has been written about Warren Buffet's uncanny financial prowess and legendary wealth, but there is another side about him that doesn't usually attract as much attention. 52 year old Peter Buffet, youngest child of Warren, was recently featured in an article in Bloomberg, following the publication of Peter's new book:

"Most of that wealth, valued by Forbes at US$47 billion, will go to charity after he (Warren Buffet) dies. His children will be left with a legacy of ethics and independence that Peter, 51 says in a new book, is worth more than the cash."

"It is not about stuff, it's not about accumulation or the bling, it's about loving your life and doing something for the world around you and not just for personal gain. Those are the values my parents had."

"(Warren) Buffet owns a quarter of Berkshire and is its chairman & chief executive officer, making US$100,000 salary. He has not had a raise in more than a quarter-century"

"Peter decries the corruption, emptiness and bad parenting that often accompany great wealth. In contrast, he says that from his early 20's, he was forced by his father's design to live on a budget and find a career."

"His 'family inheritance' of about US$90,000 in Berkshire shares which he got at age 19, was no more than enough to quit Stanford University and get a start in music. 'It was understood that I should expect nothing more,' he said in the book. 'I used my nest egg to buy something infinitely more valuable than money: I used it to buy time."

You may think that with a last name like his, Buffett has enjoyed a life of endless privilege. But the son of billionaire investor Warren Buffett says that the only real inheritance handed down from his parents was a philosophy: Forge your own path in life. It is a creed that has allowed him to follow his own passions, establish his own identity, and reap his own successes.

In his book, Buffett observes, how today’s society has begun to replace a work ethic, relishing what you do, with a wealth ethic, honoring the payoff instead of the process. We confuse privilege with material accumulation, character with external validation. Yet, by focusing more on substance and less on reward, we can open doors of opportunity and strive toward a greater sense of fulfillment. In clear and concise terms, Buffett reveals a great truth: Life is random, neither fair nor unfair.

From there it becomes easy to recognize the equal dignity and value of every human life—our circumstances may vary but our essences do not. We see that our journey in life rarely follows a straight line but is often met with false starts, crises, and blunders. How we push through and persevere in these challenging moments is where we begin to create the life of our dreams—from discovering our vocations to living out our bliss to giving back to others.

Warren Buffet's financial successes will never outweigh or outlive the human legacy he has imparted so astutely to his children, and underscores the value of meaningful parenting we should all aspire towards.

2010-04-14T00:16:00.003+08:00

I pray for mummy's guidance and blessings

I'm four years old now!

The wings of time flutter furiously on

As I march to the beat of my very own song,

Nothing will hold my indomitable spirit back

All except for my papa's thunderous smack

2010-03-13T01:04:00.000+08:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus, William Ernest Henley

2009-09-17T10:20:00.004+08:00

So it came to pass.
5pm at Harbour Front ferry terminal, on this significant day, the first of September 2009. Just after his afternoon nap & a bottle of reassuring milk. A dramatic farewell on a stormy afternoon. Moods as sombre as the skies. Grandparents rallied for extra measure & comfort. Everything possible done to caccoon him for the bumpy ride ahead. Seat belts buckled!

I tried to prepare him by telling him we were going to see boats & to say goodbye to Aunty Tamik who had to go away for a 'holiday' to see her family. His initial response was a brave "ok". Tinged with a maturity that surprised. It was unexpectedly reassuring. Somehow you knew it wasn't going to last. The stormy weather outside was a portent of what lay ahead.

He clung to her on the walk from the car park to the ferry terminal. Both not saying much. She tried to break the tension by amusing him with the harbour scene outside as we stood by the glass windows waiting for boarding time to arrive. Conversation was difficult. Tamik was in a fragile state. The silent veil was transparently thin. Evan seemed quietly disturbed. A strange muted business bellied his actions. Confused perhaps. A foreboding of what lay ahead. Unable to express himself adequately possibly. So young & already so abandoned. Tamik has been more than just a nanny since his birth. She has been his maternal shadow for the last two years. The bond ran deep & wide.

It was all over quickly. An intense hug from Evan as he was instructed to say goodbye. Tamik appeared slightly stunned. An uncomfortable silence. Awkward glances. Quick handshakes. We pulled away to ensure no messy histrionics ensued. He insisted on watching from the windows. Hoping to glimpse as she walked to the boat. "I want Aunty Tamik" echoed incessantly through the hallway. So we decided to walk away to catch some dinner. Perhaps he was hungry too. At each turn, he would be looking eagerly to see if she was around the corner- hide & seek was one of their favorite games. We tried to distract him as best as we could, but you could tell in his eyes that it was scant consolation. Tamik called my mobile phone after she had boarded & was obviously distraught. In between sobs, she thanked me & enquired how Evan was taking it. I had to curb my initial instincts to put him on the phone as I realised that it would do both no good at this delicate time. I wished her well & reassured her that he would be ok.

When we finally reached home, he pointed at the door, saying "Aunty Tamik open the door", hoping she was after all, at home & about to welcome him as was her custom. Quiet acceptance greeted the darkened hall as we entered. It would be a long night. By now, tired & whiny, Aunty Tamik's name reverberated through the house until the cloud of exhaustion took its toll.

The final throes of a traumatic day culminated in a sudden unusual awakening at 2 a.m. Evan was at my door crying "Daddy, daddy, come and sleep with me!". It would be another long chapter for such a young life.

2009-09-03T11:02:00.001+08:00

Frances Ng Basketball Memorial 2009

This year's Basketball Memorial will be held on the 5th of September 2009. It's a Saturday, and we'll be at the usual place, CHIJ Toa Payoh, from 4.30pm onwards. So do join us if you can, for a time of fun and activity, even if you don't play basketball, it's a time to catch up with Evan and fellow friends of Frances. See you there!

2009-07-09T01:54:00.000+08:00

The Paradox of Life without You,
Numbs the mind and paralyses the heart;
So many people surround us each day,
Yet the loneliness is unsurpassed;
So much promise embodied in Evan,
Yet the future feels so empty;
The outpouring of love since your passing,
Bathes us in its warm protective glow,
Flowing freely in abundance,
Yet the immeasurable love Evan and I had reserved for you,
Lie buried deep under an avalanche of shattered dreams,
Like petrified lava, our rich river of love,
Stopped from flowing by the barrier of time;
So many instruments of music echo through our halls,
Yet the missing musician is the loudest absence of all.

2009-07-08T01:12:00.002+08:00

For a season there must be pain-
For a little, little space
I shall lose the sight of her face,
Take back the old life again
While she is at rest in her place,
For a season this pain must endure,
For a little, little while
I shall sigh more often than smile
Till Time shall work me a cure,
And the pitiful days beguile.
For that season we must be apart,
For a little length of years,
Till my life's last hours nears,
And, above the beat of my heart,
I hear Her voice in my ears.
But I shall not understand-
Being set on some later love,
Shall not know her for whom I strove,
Till she reach me forth her hand,
Saying, "Who but I have the right?"
And out of a troubled night
Shall draw me safe to the land.

Rudyard Kipling, The Widow.

2009-04-06T03:00:00.005+08:00

Oh we never know where life will take us
I know it's just a ride on the wheel
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel
I know I'll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears
Life's so fragile and love's so pure
We can't hold on but we try
We watch how quickly it disappears
And we never know why
Goodbye my friend

Karla Bonoff, 1988.

2009-04-02T01:22:00.002+08:00

As I leave the the second year of my life behind, I can look back and say that it has been a milestone indeed. It was the year of independence. The year I figured out how to walk and talk, and the year my body was strong enough to resist better all those nasty bugs we pass to one another.

My evolution to a functional biped homosapien has brought new found mobility and immeasurable joy. And misery some might add. Who cares that I'm still a little shaky and unstable on my feet. As my dad says, I won't be a professional athlete, but I can still be an Olympian in many other ways.

The winds now also carry the sounds of my incessant chatter. My new found voice has been a blessing. And a mild curse some might add too. Like all new found independence, it has to be harnessed

My immune system has been firing on all 8 pistons. Sick I have been, but thankfully the fevers have been less frequent and certainly haven't reached the same highs as last year. *fingers crossed*

This year brings new challenges. I start pre-school at a more intensive pace. Five full half mornings a week. I also continue with the Early Intervention Program in the Rainbow Centre two afternoons a week. I have my work cut out for me by papa. He says that I need to strengthen my walking skills and learn to be more balanced. I also have to work on giving my speech more clarity. This will be a very telling year indeed.

It has been almost three years since mummy left us. Our hearts still weigh heavily as if it was only yesterday. I wish she could see me grow up. I wish she was here for me to hug. We miss you so much, the heavens aren't big enough to fill our love.

2009-01-02T13:59:00.013+08:00

It is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life

Make me an instrument of your peace,
I want to know what it's like to follow you,
When men look at me I want them to see the light of the world inside.

-A Simple Prayer, Praise Baby Collection: Born to Worship

2008-12-28T15:10:00.007+08:00

Merry Christmas and a Happy 2009 to All!

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

May God be with you and bless you:
May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.

-Irish Blessing

2008-11-19T22:41:00.011+08:00

The AlpsWe actually waited for the cows to come home.
An annual autumn festival where the livestock descend from the mountain grazing pastures to hide from the impending winter weather.

We recently visited my cousins in Switzerland. I was told it's just across the road, but you have to sit on an airplane to get there. I don't remember much of the journey as I was sleeping most of the way. Papa just said it was a lot of sitting to do. It was a very enjoyable trip cos I got to play with my two cousins Ollie and Owen every day. It was a much needed break for papa too and a relaxing time to catch up with my Uncle Adrian and Aunty Iris. The trip went by smoothly and everyone had a great time. I was on my best behavior, as usual. I hope we get to cross that road again soon.

My first experience of Autumn. So many golden leaves everywhere!
Papa says its the time of the year when the trees get rid of their rubbish by shedding their leaves.

My cousin Ollie juggling the rubbish.

Pure mountain water spouting everywhere to drink. And it's free.

Pristine rivers flow through the town of Lucerne

The 3 Amigos with coats to match! You think grandma was a little too enthusiastic with the wardrobe?

One of the best parts of the holiday was the fun we had in all the wonderful parks and well-equipped play grounds.

The simplicity of childhood

2008-09-21T01:12:00.013+08:00

3rd Basketball Memorial Game for mummy...

Pre-game work out to loosen up those rippling muscles...

Procure a ball...

Here I come...

Woohoo! My opening basket...

A beautiful game...

Ambitious half court shot!

Can't touch me...

Basketball scrum!

Yeah, this is so much easier...

Take a bow guys...

C'mon everyone, we can do better!

Ok, ok, that's better.
A big thank you to Aunty Sheena and Prisca for organising yet another successful memorial.
Thank you for all the wonderful friends that turned up in support.
Friendship at its best. Friendship at its purest

We love and miss you very much mummy!

2008-09-08T09:43:00.000+08:00

3rd Frances Ng Basketball Memorial 2008:
The time has arrived yet again for the traditional gathering of friends and kindred souls to remember our much beloved Frances. The venue has been kindly sponsored by her alma mater, at the CHIJ Toa Payoh premises. Date is set for the 20th of September, Saturday. Time, 4 pm onwards. Please come if you can to catch up, reminisce & play with Evan.

2008-08-16T00:15:00.007+08:00

Used to be so easy, to give my heart away,
But I found out the hard way
There's a price you have to pay,
I found out that love, is no friend of mine,
I should have known, time after time,
So long, it was so long ago,
But I've still got the blues for you

Used to be so easy, fall in love again,
But I found out the hard way
It's a road that leads to pain,
I found that love, was more than just a game,
Playing to win, but you lose just the same,
So long, it was so long ago,
But I've still got the blues for you,

So many years, since I've seen your face,
But here in my heart, there's an empty space you used to be,
So long, it was so long ago,
But I still got the blues for you,
Though the days come and go
There is one thing I know,
I've still, got the blues, for you.

-Gary Moore, Still Got The Blues For You.

2008-08-15T23:32:00.003+08:00

The Intrepid Adventures of Evan and Vee "in the Congo"

"They're after us! Let's get out of here, quick!"

"Ok, ok, I'm driving as fast as I can!"

"Oh no, the front wheel's stuck!"

"So is the rear wheel!"

"Here they come!"

"Quick, put it into reverse!"

"Let me take over..."

"I think it's curtains for us..."

"You run and I'll keep them busy!"

"That's another fine mess you've got me into..."

2008-08-03T22:31:00.004+08:00

Charging ahead into the jungle of life

Evan continues to grow well. Despite lingering concerns for his motor development and vocalisation, he thrives and appears to be developing normally albeit slower. It's amazing how much change you fail to notice when you spend so much time around someone. Most people who haven't seen him for some time usually remark how big he has grown. I guess he is growing. Ironically the only stark testimony to his growth, for me, is reflected in his simple diapers. His gradual demands for bigger diapers brings home the message that my baby boo-boo is sadly, no longer little. Just this week, we've had to upgrade him to the 'XL' sized diapers in order to fit all the urine that his 13kg body is generating. A far cry from the size 'S' that he used to crawl in only yesterday it seems.

Me & Oscar are pals

Despite my gratefulness at his relentless growth, lingering concerns about his slow physical development continue to permeate the fabric of my imagination. Is he just slower or is there a problem that will rear its head unannounced somewhere down the road? Will I be able to cope with the disappointment and sorrow of such a tragedy? I guess I've been through worse. The innocence is heart rending. Only time will tell.

'Gotcha!'

My impersonation of a 'cat nap'

2008-07-16T01:40:00.002+08:00

I loved her like the leaves,
The lush green leaves of spring
That pulled down the willows
on the bank's edge
where we walked
while she was of this world.
I built my life on her.
But man cannot flout
the laws of this world.
To the shimmering wide fields hidden by the white cloud,
white as white silk scarf
she soared away like the morning bird,
hid from our world like the setting sun.
The child, the gift she left behind- he cries for food; but always
finding nothing that I might give him,
I pick him up & hold him in my arms.
On the pillows where we lay,
My wife & I, as one,
I pass the daylight lonely till the dusk,
the black night sighing till the dawn.
I grieve and grieve and know no remedy.
I ache and know no road where I might meet her.

- Kakinonoto Hitomaro, Japan, 7th century

2008-07-16T01:11:00.005+08:00

Can I have my cake and eat it too pweety please?

"The Terrible Twos!" Seriously, it takes two to Tchaikovsky!

It's been awhile. Life has been busy. Not any easier, but at least certifiably occupied. I've been growing in the meanwhile. People who haven't seen me for some time say I am tall. Papa says I eat well, and eat a lot. That's supposed to be good for a growing boy. I've been having my fair share of bugs and fever, but much to the relief of papa, much less than before. I am also much more assertive than ever, much to everyone's chagrin. Coupled with my innate skills in squirminess, gets me much of what I want these days. Most of the time at least. I am exploring the world of vocalisation lately. I am currently trying to decide between two languages- English and Bablyish. My enunciation needs improving, but I'm learning new words and phrases each passing day. Stay tuned!

I just made funny patterns all over the clean wall with my crayons!

2008-05-19T10:28:00.003+08:00

Four letters that I look forward to- HFMD! Every time papa says those words, I get to skip school and stay at home, play on the beach, swim in the pool and generally not do very much except sip milk under the hot tropical sun. There has been a major outbreak of Hand Foot and Mouth Disease (HFMD) in Singapore lately, and one of my schools had to shut down in order to bring the outbreak under control. Papa says that HFMD is not usually a nasty bug, but moderately infectious and because almost a quarter of this year's outbreak involved the potentially deadly EV71 (Enterovirus) strain, most people are afraid.

My latest review with my doctors have confirmed that I am still behind in my gross motor development. My muscle tone and posture are still not there yet. Papa is also watching the situation with my speech development closely. I can only try my best, and papa says that's enough for him.

I recently visited a local goat farm with my buddy Vee Shen. I love animals, though I'm not sure if they like me. Papa says its something to do with my tail and ear pulling that doesn't help very much. It was a smelly affair, and I even got to feed them with grass. Papa bought some goat's milk for me to drink, but I didn't like it very much.

"row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream"

2008-04-12T00:58:00.001+08:00

rain.
it rained.
I
fell.
it
rained
I
loved.
it
rained.
I lost.
it
rained.
It
loved.
I
rained.
rain.

2008-04-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

The following are some photos from my recently celebrated 2nd birthday. There was a small outdoor party thrown in my honor on Saturday. The weather added to a perfect evening- no rain, but cloudy enough to keep temperatures relatively cool. I owe a big thank-you to Aunty Germaine for baking the perfect yummy cake for me.

We spent the Sunday morning hiking, cycling and splashing our way through the island of Pulau Ubin, and the wetlands of Chek Jawa. It was our second excursion on this rustic island. Again we had perfect weather on this thoroughly enjoyable trip. Thank you mummy for taking care of us these last couple of days.

Wish I could do this everyday...

About to set the record attempt for the youngest person to swim across the channel...

That's disgusting, can't you learn to control yourself? Get me out of here quick!

It's ok Evan, your dad needed a quick refill of alcohol...

We really should bring more beer on the next trip...

All's well that ends well!

2008-04-06T23:49:00.002+08:00

The winds of time blow quietly by,
As Autumn leaves bid farewell to another year.
A fleeting dream of you, Evan and me,
Washed away by the blood stained tear.

Two winters have passed amid long lonely nights,
As we sit at our dinner table set for three,
Waiting patiently in the fading candle light,
We have missed your warmth so very dearly.

Forever in our hearts.

2008-04-05T23:55:00.001+08:00

I've had many times I can tell you
Times when innocence I'd trade for company
And children saw me crying
I thought I had my share of that
But these miss you nights Are the longest
Midnight diamonds
Stud my heaven
Southward burning
Lie the jewels that eye my place
And the warm winds
That embrace me
Just as surely kissed your face
Yeah these miss you nights
Are the longest

How I miss you I'm not likely to tell
I'm a man and cold day light
Buys the pride I'd rather sell
All my secrets
Are wasted affair
You know them well
Thinking of my going
How to cut the thread
And leave it all behind
Looking windward for my compass
I take each day as it arrives
But these miss you nights
Are the longest

Lay down all thought of your surrender
Its only me who's killing time
Lay down all dreams and themes once remembered
Its just the same
This miss you game
Yeah these miss you nights
Are the longest

-Miss you nights, Cliff Richard
.

2008-04-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

My life has fallen down
around me before
-lots of times,
for lots of reasons-
usually other people.

And most of the time
I was fortunate enough
to have a large lump of
that life hit me on the
head and render me numb
to the pain & desolation
that followed.
And I survived.
And I live to love again.

But this,
this slow erosion from below
-or within-
it's me falling down around my life
because you're still in that life
-but not really.
And you're out of that life
-but not quite.

I do all right
alone,
and better
together,
but
I do very poorly
when
semi-
together.

In solitude
I do much,
in love
I do more,
but
in doubt
I only transfer
pain to paper
in gigantic Passion Plays
complete with miracles and martyrs
and crucifixions and resurrections.
This series of passion poems
is becoming a heavy cross to bare.

2008-04-03T23:39:00.001+08:00

As the deer canters forth for the water,
So my soul longs after your spirit,
You alone are my heart's desire,
And I long to hold you in my arms
You alone were my strength, my shield,
To you alone made my spirit yield,
You alone are my heart's desire,
And I long to cherish thee.

You were my friend,
And you were my soul mate,
Even though you were my Queen.
I love you more than any other,
So much more than anything.
You alone were my strength, my shield,
To you alone made my spirit yield,
You alone were my heart's desire,
And I long to cherish thee.

May your soul rest in everlasting peace my dearest Frances.

2008-04-02T17:49:00.002+08:00

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

-Remember, Christina Rossetti

2008-04-01T23:52:00.002+08:00

I am Joy.
I am everything.
I can do all things but two:

1. forget that I love you.

2. forget that I love you.

2008-03-28T11:08:00.000+08:00

My 'vocalisation' as papa calls it, has started to take-off the ground recently. I have started to say two syllable words like 'wa-ter' and to string two words together. Papa is trying hard to get me to say words like 'be-er' and 'par-ty', with a smile of course.

Papa says I have entered a stage of my life that he is looking forward to as much as having his wisdom teeth extracted. If my first year was the age of rashes and jabs, then this year will be marked as the age of bruises and tantrums. The stage papa calls the twilight twos. I threw my first public tantrum the other day when we were at a shopping mall. I didn't get what I wanted, so what did you expect any reasonable normal child to do? I just don't get adults. Give me what I want or don't get in my way, ok? Take that. Papa thinks it was the excessive monosodium glutamate in my chicken rice, plus a little fatigue that gave me the crazies.

I have also started to get plenty of bruises on my face and forehead. The result of an over- exuberant set of legs and a less than enthusiastic giro-system in my head. Papa calls me an almost-guided missile. I have been happily tripping and falling, pushing my god-given skull to it's protective limits. To the point papa wants to permanently sticky a foam covering to my forehead. Bruises are the order of the day. I get at least one a week. Kay sera sera.

Mummy's second anniversary is coming up soon. It will be a bumpy road ahead. Missing you is hard to do mum. Harder than growing up. Wish you were here.

2008-03-18T12:41:00.003+08:00

"Our real legacy to the children is not the house, not the bank account, and not even their studies, as our grandparents used to say. Their true treasure on which they are going to sustain themselves (or from which they will have to free themselves) is the message we pass to them every day. It is not in the words chosen for special moments. It is not made up of Christmas nights or birthday parties, or the hour of sermonising or eulogy.

Our duties are to free a space for tenderness in the hurried and difficult, potentially ruthless, day-to-day routine. To leave open the gate to meaningful dialogue, at a set time, but within the habitual flow of concern and warmth. Love in the family is an art, a juggling, sometimes a deed of heroism. Essential like the air we breathe.

Preparing someone to live is not done with phrases, but by living together, preparing him for future relations, in order one day to have a job, a family, a life, and to make him human, tender, generous, strong and ethical." - Lya Luft

2008-03-06T00:19:00.006+08:00

As of last week, I have finally graduated from my infant section in morning school to the toddler section with the bigger kids! Yeah! Based largely on the improvements in my walking, the teachers have decided that my independent mobility means I am ready for the bigger league, finally. It's a highly anticipated move, much to the satisfaction of papa. Even though I am still only an "L" plate walker, I already feel like I can fly!

2008-03-06T00:04:00.004+08:00

Reflections- Love and the pain of leaving

"Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we love most cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time, or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies...the pain of the leaving can tear us apart. Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.

Many parents have to suffer the death of a child, at birth or at a very young age. There probably is no greater suffering than losing a child, since it so radically interferes with the desire of a father and mother to see their child grow up to be a beautiful, healthy, mature and loving person. The great danger is that the death of a child will take away the parents' desire to live. It requires an enormous act of faith on the part of parents to truly believe that their children, however brief their lives, were given to them as gifts from God, to deepen and enrich their lives.

Whenever parents can make that leap of faith, their children's short lives can become fruitful beyond their expectations." - Henri J M Nouwen

2008-02-28T23:48:00.003+08:00

My first injury in play school, or was that fight school papa enrolled me for?

I was viciously attacked in school yesterday. A rabid Rottweiler puppy was disguised as one of the innocent looking boys in my class. What a good disguise it was too. One moment we were playing for the same toy, the next second it reared its true evil self, impaling me with its hideous fangs and feasting on my tender meat. I let out a short whimper which attracted the attention of my teachers, who lunged to my rescue. By which time the creature had retreated into its human disguise. Alas, it was too late, I was already branded by the mark of the Beast, with its poisons coursing through my veins. The animal was placed in quarantine by my teachers and its parents were later alerted to its beastial tendencies. If it was left to me, I would have called the vet in to put the animal out of its misery and do the rest of the class a big favor.

Papa was duly informed soon after, but was still shocked to see the extent of the injury. I was non-plussed and was back to my normal self. No point dwelling on things we can't control papa said to me. He congratulated me on not retaliating and being so brave, but said something about enrolling me in the first available toddler karate class. Lucky for that animal, guns are illegal in Singapore.

2008-02-15T00:10:00.005+08:00

Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly, and pray the Lord your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss, and call you back for just one more.
If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would tape each word and action, and play them back throughout my days.
If I knew it would be the last time, I would spare an extra minute or two,
To stop and say "I love you" instead of assuming you know I do.

So just in case tomorrow never comes, and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you, and I hope we never will forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day
That you didn't take the extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss,
And you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear,
That you love them very much, and you'll always hold them dear.
Take time to say "I'm sorry", "Please forgive me", "Thank you", or "It's okay".
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

-Normal Cornett Marek

Happy Valentines Day my Darling Frances, wherever you are. We miss you more than ever. Show us the way.- Colin

2008-02-14T23:58:00.004+08:00

Canine encounters of a close kind....a tale to remember

Oscar is a wonderfully gentle soul. That's probably the only reason I survived this encounter. I like Oscar. I wonder why we all don't get tails like his to play with. (Oscar is Aunty Diana's pet)

2008-02-07T23:03:00.001+08:00

A festive favorite dish in Singapore- raw fish with yummy sweet spices!

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!
This year's the year of the Rat- agile, imaginative, resourceful and smelly! Just kidding...

I gave papa a cheap thrill the other day. We were travelling to school in the morning, when I let out a wet sneeze, a very wet sneeze. The kind that runs thick and sticky and dribbles for an eternity down the sides of my nose and neck as my fingers run through it. Well, as is usually the case, papa went into a frenzied panic, as the red light had just turned green in peak morning rush hour. He tried to juggle one hand on the steering wheel, while the other grappled with the tissue paper box, his head swinging like a pendulum, staring at me helplessly and then darting back towards the traffic in front. Alas, he knew it was futile. So in a desperate last act, he flung some tissue paper towards me, like a lifeguard's buoy towards a drowning man, and lo and behold! I picked the tissue up and wiped my snot off! The look of incredulity on papa's face was worth a thousand French fries. He had forgotten that I had grown. No longer that helpless bundle of cloth with 2 legs, arms and a head sticking out. It can think! Egad! That thing is alive! Hurray! What a wonderful world it is, now that papa can drive with me alone and not have to worry about me drinking my own snot.

2008-02-02T23:55:00.001+08:00

Reflections...

"Care as the basis and precondition of all cure...
In a community like ours, we have put all the emphasis on cure. We want to be professionals: heal the sick, help the poor, teach the ignorant, and organise the scattered. But the temptation is that we use our expertise to keep a safe distance from that which really matters and forget that, in the long run, cure without care is more harmful than helpful.

What does it mean to care? Real care is not ambiguous. Real care excludes indifference and is the opposite of apathy. The word care finds its roots in the Gothic Kara, which means lament. The basic meaning of care is "to grieve, to experience sorrow, to cry out with."
...We tend to look at caring as an attitude of the strong toward the weak, of the powerful toward the powerless, of the have's toward the have-not's. And, in fact, we feel quite uncomfortable with an invitation to enter into someone's pain before doing something about it.

Still, when we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.

You might remember moments in which you were called to be with a friend who had lost a wife or husband, child or parent. What can we say, do, or propose at such a moment? There is a strong inclination to say: "Don't cry; the one you loved is in the hands of God." "Don't be sad because there are so many good things left worth living for." But are we ready to really experience our powerlessness in the face of death and say: "I do not understand. I do not know what to do, but I am here with you." Are we willing to not run away from the pain, to not get busy when there is nothing to do, and instead stand in the face of death together with those who grieve?

The friend who cares makes it clear that whatever happens in the external world, being present to each other is what really matters. In fact, it matters more than pain, illness, or even death. It is remarkable how much consolation and hope we can receive from authors who, while offering no answers to life's questions, have the courage to articulate the situation of their lives in all honesty and directness....Their courage to enter so deeply into human suffering and to become present to their own pain gave them the power to speak healing words.

Therefore, to care means first of all to be present to each other. From experience, you know that those who care for you become present to you. When they listen, they listen to you. When they speak, you know they speak to you. And when they ask questions, you know it is for your sake and not for their own. Their presence is a healing presence because they accept you on your terms, and they encourage you to take your own life seriously and to trust you own vocation.

Our tendency is to run away from the painful realities or to try to change them as soon as possible. But cure without care makes us into rulers, controllers, manipulators, and prevents a real communion from taking shape.....Maybe simple because we ourselves are so concerned with being different from the others that we do not even allow ourselves to lay down our heavy armor and come together in a mutual vulnerability. Maybe we are so full of our own opinions, ideas, and convictions that we have no space left to listen to the other and learn from him or her.

To care means first of all to empty our own cup and to allow the other to come close to us. It means to take away the many barriers which prevents us from entering into communion with the other. When we dare to care, then we discover that nothing human is foreign to us, but that all the hatred and love, cruelty and compassion, fear and joy can be found in our own hearts."

-Henri JM Nouwen

2008-01-29T00:50:00.000+08:00

" Behind every smile, there is a tear.
In every embrace, there is loneliness.
In every friendship, distance.
And in all forms of light,
there is the knowledge of surrounding darkness "

-Henri J M Nouwen

I recently had my Chickenpox jab. The expectation was worse than the needle itself! I knew I was in trouble when papa held me tight, and I felt something cold and soft pressed against my leg. I cried. But not too much. Papa says I took it like a man as I usually do. Thankfully, that will be the last of my jabs for a very long time. I am now a graduate of the Age of Needles. Yippee!

There is a significant event happening in mummy's old school (Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus) this week. Money gathered by friends and relatives has been used to create a student scholarship for one of their primary school students. It has been named the Frances Ng Award and will be launched for the first time this year at a prize-giving ceremony this coming Friday evening. I am proud that mummy will be remembered so. It is fitting for someone who was always helping others so selflessly, to be honored and remembered in this way. Thank you to all who have made this possible.

2008-01-23T19:43:00.001+08:00

"A child is.
In contemplating a stain on the wall, an insect in the grass or the miracle of a rose, the child is not only gazing. The child is being everything on which he is concentrating. He is the beetle, the figure on the wall, he is flower, wind and silence.

In the same way he is the coldness or the anguish of adults, superficiality or their genuine love.

Sometimes he must be left in peace, without demanding that he be always on the go, running, talking, playing, as if contemplation was a disease.

The child immersed in his surroundings is taking part in a process greater than himself, in which he blossoms unconsciously. But he has something more precious than consciousness: intuition about everything, an innocent wisdom."

- Lya Luft, Losses & Gains

2008-01-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

I am now 11.6kg and stand 85cm tall. That's according to doctor Phua whom I saw last week. He says he is encouraged by all the progress I have made so far and that I am growing well in stature. But he cautioned that it is still too early to tell what I may suffer from in the long run. I can only try my best. Doctor Phua says that we will be able to tell more when I am 3 years old. I hope that I will be up to mark by then. Mummy will give me the strength and papa will be there to back me up, that I am sure of.

I said my first mandarin words the other day! I said "jai jien" ("goodbye") to my grandfather on my way home. I learned this from my teachers in the morning school I attend. But I am still shy of my mandarin so I don't say it all the time. Papa says that I am talking a whole lot more these days, most of which only I can understand. But I am beginning to get the hang of this thing they call "English". For now, I am content that they can't understand me when I cuss.

My buddy Vee Shen celebrated his 2nd birthday this week. I want to congratulate him for two years of a life well lived! I can't imagine feeling so old! I've been told that not long after, your teeth start to drop out! So sad when one enjoys his food so much. Never mind, papa says we have to learn to age gracefully. Mummy dearest, wish you were here.

2008-01-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

Those who don't feel this Love
pulling them like a river,
those who don't drink dawn
like a cup of spring water
or take in sunset like supper,
those who don't want to change,
let them sleep.

This Love is beyond the study of theology,
that old trickery and hypocrisy.
I you want to improve your mind that way,
sleep on.
I've given up on my brain.
I've torn the cloth to shreds
and thrown it away.
If you're not completely naked,
wrap your beautiful robe of words
around you, and sleep

-Rumi

2008-01-01T11:18:00.000+08:00

Let's take a walk together near the ocean shore
hand in hand, you and I.
Let's cherish every moment we have been given
for time is passing by.
I often pray before I lay down by your side;
If you receive your calling before I awake
Could I make it through the night?
Cherish the love we have
we should cherish the life we live
Cherish the love, cherish the life

The world is always changing
nothing stays the same
But love will stand the test of time.
The next life that we live in remains to be seen
Will you be by my side?
I often pray before I lay down by your side;
Cherish the love we have
we should cherish the life we live
Cherish the love
cherish the life

Cherish the love we have - every night when I think about you -
For as long as we both shall live -
I pray that my dream will come true
yes I do - cherish the love.
Cherish the love we have -
We have cherished ev'ry moment we have had together -
We should cherish the life we live - hand in hand
you and I -
Cherish the love we have for as long as we both shall live.

-Cherish, Kool and the Gang

2007-12-26T22:08:00.000+08:00

I'm Walking! Or at least the wobbly kind.
Papa asked for a 'cup of tea' from my 'kitchen'. I was only too happy to oblige.
Papa says that's good service for you! I was walking tall.
I am not very steady yet, but I am getting better & stronger with each passing day.
Papa says it was my best Christmas gift to him to date.
Mummy would be so proud of me.

2007-12-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

Remembering Mummy Dearest, September 2007: Basketball Games at CHIJ

Once again family and faithful gathered at the basketball courts of mummy's old alma mater, the Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus School, to remember, honour and cherish her. It was a very meaningful and heartfelt occasion enjoyed by one and all. It was a well organised event and kudos must go to Aunty Sheena and Prisca for spearheading the efforts. They even went to all the trouble of making colorful friendship wrist-bands for all the participants. Each band came imprinted with mummy's name on it. Mummy dearest, may the fond memories of you never fade.

The Loyal and the True...

Deja Vu! Grandpa does it again...(no, he didn't score that basket!)

There was even a kid's competition.

2007-10-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

It’s been a while since papa has shared his thoughts with this Blog community. Time and energy have been scarce commodities since we moved home. Papa apologises for the hiatus. Our move back home has been punctuated by a few significant events that have yet to be recorded, namely, the second memorial basketball game in honor of mummy dearest held in September 2007, the significant demise of mummy’s Uncle Yew Wah, Uncle Chris’s and Aunty Anita’s wedding, without a doubt, the nuptial of the year, and last but not least my trip to Australia! Papa will be writing about these events over the next few entries.

The move home has been smooth so far. Routines have re-established themselves, I like my home and we have settled comfortably as far as the physical aspects are concerned. Papa distracts himself with mundane chores and anything else, so as to maintain an even keel with the emotional storms. Many things lie exactly where they were all those years ago when mummy was still around. Papa has not had the heart or strength to move or discard anything for the time being. He senses that a period of passive mourning still needs to work itself out. Renewal will have to take place eventually, just not for now.

We feel your presence mummy, guide us as we journey in search of you.

2007-08-29T00:53:00.000+08:00

My Trip to Pulau Ubin...

It was two Sundays ago in August that I had my first Bum boat ride to the island of Ubin. It is a ten minute ride off the south-eastern shores of Singapore. It was a cloudy day and my buddy Vee Shen was with me. We started off with a hearty breakfast at the famous Changi Village hawker center on the mainland, before setting off on our noisy, diesel filled splutter across the waters. We rented a tandem bike with a baby seat attached and set off for our intended destination- the Chek Jawa Wetlands.

It was a healthy half an hour ride over undulating road and mud tracks, with leafy jungles on either side, before we finally panted our way to our destination. The signage along the mud track declared "one way to Chek Jawa", left papa feeling a little perturbed but bemused.

It was a pleasant walk along the muddy coast. Unfortunately, the tide had risen and most of the more interesting features of the wetlands had been submerged. So we had to content ourselves with a leisurely stroll along the well constructed coastal board walk. It was breezy, and we got to see the airplanes up close as they landed at our famous nearby Changi Airport. The skies started to close in on us towards the end of our walk as we hastily retreated towards our start point. The rain finally caught up with us however on the last leg of our return journey. A tropical thunderstorm of ferocious rain pelted down on us as papa struggled to get the flimsy ponchos over our heads. The thin ponchos were of scant consolation as the intensity of the rain ensured that we were all soaked to the skin by the time we eventually found some shelter. I thought it was fun. All in all, a very enjoyable and satisfying hike was enjoyed by all. I hope to come again some day soon.

2007-08-28T23:23:00.000+08:00

This month was a momentous one. We have finally moved back to mummy and papa's home. Our home. It was not an easy decision. But it had to be done in order for us to move forward. Papa says it is necessary for us to face the past so that we can look to the future.

Papa is very grateful for all the love and unconditional support that he has received from Uncle Douglas and Aunty Elena. It has been almost a year and five months that we have stayed with them, ever since mummy went to Heaven. They have provided a haven and sanctuary for papa to heal, and for me to grow. It was a gesture that reflects love in its purest form. For that he is eternally grateful.

Papa says that he is much stronger today. He has learned to face mummy's absence with fortitude and humility. He feels mummy's spirit within him, guiding his every action. Now he says, it is time to rebuild our lives and set to the task of bringing me up in a way that would make mummy proud. Papa says that I am their loving creation, and he intends to see to it that I turn out to be best that I can be. Mummy may no longer be around to help him, but she will be his utmost inspiration, as she has always been.

Papa took leave from work for a week so that we could make the move. There was much to do- cleaning, moving belongings and ensuring that things were in working order. New routines have been established and papa is confident that the transition will go smoothly. Despite the melancholy that permeates everything in the house, papa feels strangely at one with the surroundings. As if the void in his heart has been soothed by the closeness to mummy's things. This house was at the centre of their lives, and now it's belongings, it's smells and it's memories are the closest things papa has to remember mummy by. Papa says it is a weird feeling- trying to fill the void in your heart with memories locked into inanimate objects. Then there is the question of what to do with mummy's things. How do you dispose of your beloved's belongings without losing some part of yourself in the process. How much can you afford to lose before you crumble. How do you move forward when the sentimentality is overwhelming. These will be some of the longest days of our lives.

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First, to let go of life. In the end, to take a step without feet; to regard this world as invisible, and to disregard what appears to be the self. Heart, I said, what a gift it has been to enter this circle of lovers, to see beyond seeing itself, to reach and feel within the breast. -Rumi

2007-08-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

An Occasion To Remember our beloved Frances...

A message from the organising committee:

"Dear Friends,

It has been a year since we held our first basketball memorial to remember our dear friend, Frances, who passed away in April last year. The 1st Basketball Memorial game, held in September last year, was a success with a very encouraging turnout of more than 50 people - friends, friends of friends' and families, who came to play the game, support the players, or
simply meet up with old friends.

A big thank you to those of you who came to play and support the event.

We would like to continue this event - and are now planning the 2nd Memorial game soon. We really hope you will take the time to come and join us to play or just to lend your support.

Details of the game are as follows:

Date: Saturday, 1 September 2007
Time: 4:00pm - 7:00pm
Venue: CHIJ Basketball Courts, Toa Payoh Lorong 1

For those of you who can play, please do join us for the Game. And even if you can't, just be game enough - it's really just for fun and your talent and fitness, or lack thereof will not be relevant. Most importantly, we are holding this game in the memory of our friend Frances and her love of this game.

So please do come down and join us and let us know in advance, if you can make it. Bring your family along as well so they can join in too.

We would love to see you all there.

Thanks!!

Sheena, Prisca, Charlotte, Liling and Valerie
(Organizing Committee - Basketball Memorial 2007)"

2007-08-25T23:37:00.001+08:00

What happened to the stock markets while I was down with HFMD!?

I have recovered from my HFMD. It was an uneventful boring illness. I am just glad it's over. I am now back to my usual routines. School has never been more inviting.

2007-08-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

Like my first taste of beer, life has it's bitter moments. I am down with another infection. This time it's the bug that gives you blisters in your mouth and on your feet and hands. Papa calls it HFMD. I picked it up from the infant care facility which I attend three times a week. My blisters started appearing on Monday and I am now being strictly quarantined. Nothing for the whole week. No school, no outings, no TV, no playing with my cousins, no anything. Nada, zilch, nyet. It is now day three of my solitary confinement and the isolation is starting to get to me. It's worse than the disease itself, which so far I have handled very well. There is no fever, only the blisters that have cropped up on my legs, hands, tongue, lips and throat. I feel only mildly uncomfortable, and am going about my business like nothing has happened. In fact my appetite has not diminished one iota, which is surprising all at home. I am sill eating voraciously, like there is no tomorrow. Papa says I need to be confined for the benefit of others, so I need to be patient and understanding. It's tough, but I have been co-operating well so far. Papa is very proud of me. This will be one of the longest weeks of my life.

2007-07-14T00:03:00.000+08:00

"Hi there!"

"What are you up to?"

"Is that a camera you're holding?"

"Ahah! Well, I've got a camera too!"

"Two can play at the game! Like father, like son..."

I have grown fast in the last few weeks. I have entered the golden age of discovery. I am the grand explorer that leaves no stone unturned. The all-seeing, all-hearing Inquisitor. The only thing holding me back is my lack of mobility seeing as my walking is still a work in progress. But I am a mean crawler- the Schumacher of floors, the Lightning McQueen on all fours. Where ever I can, I try to pull myself up to a standing position at low tables, chairs and in my cot. I am also starting to imitate actions and sounds. I have learned how to clap my hands, blow kisses and wave goodbye. More to amuse the adults around me than anything else. I am much more talkative and jabber away when the mood takes me. The adults don't seem to understand me very well at the moment. So I use a mixture of sign language (pointing) and vocal intonations to get what I want. Funny how papa seems to be sighing much more these days.

My time at the Rainbow Centre has been fun so far. I spend 2 sessions a week in the afternoons, each lasting 3 hours. It is a very well organised programme, with well defined sessions to stimulate sight, hearing and touch. The swimming sessions once a week are the most fun. My teachers are great. There are 2 of them to the 4 of us. So we get lots of attention. They are beautiful people. Hopefully they will get me walking before long. I look forward to each session very much.

What I wasn't looking forward to recently however, was my visit to Uncle Simon, my doctor. Apparently it was time for my Mumps, Measles and Rubella medicine. I was not a happy nappy at all. I struggled when they tried to weigh me, which meant that papa had to hold me while both of us were weighed. He was quite sure the machine was spoilt. I heard him protest vigorously at the smiling nurse. Papa then had to hold me down as they measured my height and head circumference. Uncle Simon said that by all the measurements, I was growing well so far. Which is why I didn't understand why he had to then jab me! The whole clinic participated in my anguish as papa held me down for a thigh jab. I am beginning to hate the smell of clinics...

Mummy dearest, I know that you used to tease me for moving around so much while I was in your tummy, especially towards the end. I am sorry for making you uncomfortable. Papa says if you thought that was bad, you should watch me now! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't long for your touch. Papa tries his best, but somehow it's just not the same. I suppose I will never know. Love you the mostest mum.

2007-06-29T20:12:00.000+08:00

"I came, I saw..."

"We conquered!"

2007-06-22T21:13:00.000+08:00

Papa has recently enrolled me into the Rainbow Centre . It is a place with a big heart. This is where children with special needs go to for early intervention, special education and professional therapy. They see children with mild to very severe special needs and help them to achieve their fullest potential in a holistic environment. I have been accepted into the Early Intervention Programme for Infants and Young Children (EIPIC) because of my developmental delays in motor skills. Although papa feels that I am doing well so far, he and his council of 'wise advisers' think that this programme can only do me more good. It is a very well run and professional organisation, with many talented, dedicated and passionate staff. It gives hope to many families. I will be going to a class with other children who are like me, with delays in their normal development. This centre will hopefully help to accelerate my progress. Papa is very confident I will graduate with flying colors in time to come. For the moment, I will be attending twice weekly, two hour sessions filled with music, art and play.

Mummy, I wish you could be here to see me and to be with me when I attend these classes. I do so miss you so very much. Love you mostest! xxx

2007-06-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

Through the darkness I can still see your light
And you will always shine, I can feel your heart in mine,
And in this cruel and lonely world I found one love,
In my eyes you do no wrong, I've loved you for so long
After all is said and done, You're still you,
And I believe in you, Although you never asked me to,
I will remember you, and what life put you through,
You walk past me and I can feel your pain,
Time changes everything,
But one truth always stays the same,
I still love you to the ends of the earth.

-Adapted from Josh Groban, You're still you.

2007-06-12T21:16:00.001+08:00

Fever Update: Day 3 and the fever has subsided (fingers crossed). Not as soon as papa had hoped for. However the runny nose and phlegmy cough persist. I managed a smile for papa for the first time in 3 days. Mr Sunshine has finally returned.

2007-06-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

I have been feeling a little ill these last couple of days. I must have picked up another bug. I was having a fever and runny nose. As of today, Sunday, the worst seems to be over though. Papa thinks that the fever is coming down. My appetite is slowly returning to healthy levels and I am becoming as active as ever. The only thing that is left behind is a wet runny nose.

2007-06-06T23:52:00.000+08:00

Me and my automobile! It's even got my mandarin surname embossed on the front of the bonnet! I love sitting behind steering wheels.Papa has started to bring me to see an 'osteopath', Aunty Virginia. I have been seeing her to help me with my development. Papa thinks it can only do me some good.

Overall I have been doing well in the last few months. Still with my allergies, but not so intense. It might have something to do with my daily dose of antihistamines for the last few weeks. The rashes on my face have improved much and the skin situation appears to be stabilizing. I can crawl very fast these days, too fast for papa I am told. My sitting is more stable, and I am now able to push myself up to a kneeling position quite easily. I am also 'cruising' or 'coasting' as papa likes to say, at every given opportunity- pulling myself up onto low tables, stools and chairs so that I can explore and reach for more interesting things. My leg muscles are still not strong enough though and so I am pretty wobbly on two feet at the moment. I have recently learned to intentionally wave my hands and arms in a farewell gesture to people. That seems to have thrilled everyone. I can't speak yet, but that has not prevented me from vocalizing my needs assertively these days. Despite all these changes, I'm still the happy smiley baby that my papa so loves. He still calls me 'Mr Sunshine' because I always have a ready radiant smile for him in the mornings when I wake up.

2007-05-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

Reflections.......

"It is not so difficult to see that, in our particular world, we all have a strong desire to accomplish something. Some of us think in terms of great dramatic changes in the structure of our society. Others want at least to build a house, write a book, invent a machine, or win a trophy. And some of us seem to be content when we just do something worthwhile for someone. But practically all of us think about ourselves in terms of our contribution to life. And when we have become old, much of our feelings of happiness or sadness depend on our evaluation of the part we played in giving shape to our world and its history....... But although the desire to be useful can be a sign of mental and spiritual health in our goal-orientated society, it can also become the source of a paralyzing lack of self-esteem. More often than not, we not only desire to do meaningful things, but we often make the results of our work the criteria of our self-esteem. And then we not only have successes, we become our successes....... When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth. And before we are fully aware of it, we have sold our soul to the many grade-givers. That means we are not only in the world, but of the world. Then we become what the world makes us. We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade. We are helpful because someone says thanks. We are likable because someone likes us. And we are important because someone considers us indispensable. In short, we are worthwhile because we have successes. And the more we allow our accomplishments- the results of our actions- to become the criteria of our self-esteem, the more we are going to walk on our mental and spiritual toes, never sure if we will be able to live up to the expectations which we created by our last successes. In many people's lives, there is a nearly diabolical chain in which their anxieties grow according to their successes....... In this success- orientated world, our lives become more and more dominated by superlatives. We brag about the highest tower, the fastest runner, the tallest man, the longest bridge, and the best student....... But underneath all our emphasis on successful action, many of us suffer from a deep-seated, low self-esteem and are walking around with the constant fear that someday someone will unmask the illusion and show that we are not as smart, as good, or as lovable as the world was made to believe.......This nagging self-doubt is the basis of so much depression in the lives of many people who are struggling in our competitive society. Moreover, this corroding fear for the discovery of our weaknesses prevents community and creative sharing. When we have sold our identity to the judges of the world, we are bound to become restless because of a growing need for affirmation and praise. Indeed, we are tempted to become low-hearted because of a constant self-rejection. And we are in serious danger of becoming isolated, since friendship and love are impossible without a mutual vulnerability....... And so, when our actions have become more an expression of fear than of inner freedom, we easily become the prisoners of our self-created illusions."
-Out of Solitude, Henri J M Nouwen

2007-05-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

It was Mother's Day recently. I was feeling a little down because papa felt a little sad. He didn't say much, but I could feel it in him. This coincides with another significant milestone in papa's healing journey. We spent two nights staying at our home this month. It wasn't easy. Papa was nervous just thinking of sleeping in the same bed that they used to share. The concentrated raw memories of the bonds they forged together in this home were as fresh as the night I was born. The love of his life, no longer by his side. A house with two where there should have been three. He is afraid to face the unknown without mummy's reassuring presence. He grieves for her loss like a blind artist would for his gift of sight. The inability to share his innermost joys and dreams, no one to wipe away his tears and console his fears. It isn't just the memories that linger, but the debris of a lost future together that is so choking and suffocating.
He has been looking towards me in the hope of gaining some courage. If only I could talk. I would tell him that he will be ok with mummy and me by his side. Mummy, if you are out there, cradle papa in your arms and whisper in his ears the soothing melodies of your interwoven hearts. Grant him peace.

2007-05-23T01:09:00.000+08:00

What will
our children do in the morning?

Will they wake with their hearts wanting to play,
the way wings should?

Will they have dreamed the needed flights and gathered
the strength from the planets that all
men and women need to balance
the wonderful charms of
the earth

So that her power and beauty does not make us forget our own?

I know all about the ways of the heart – how it wants to be alive.

Love so needs to love
that it will endure almost anything, even abuse,
just to flicker for a moment. But the sky’s mouth is kind,
its song will never hurt you, for I sing those words.

What will our children do in the morning
if they do not see us
fly?

-Rumi, The Way Things Should (D Ladinsky)

2007-05-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

Everyone at home is recovering from a bad cough bug. That includes me. But I seem to be recovering faster than papa. Nonetheless, I still have a good appetite and my spirits have not been dampened very much.

We went to see my physiotherapist, Aunty Laura a few weeks ago. She was happy with what she saw me doing. She agrees with Dr Phua that I have been making steady progress with my motor skills, and that this is a good sign for the future. She feels that I only need to see her every six weeks now to check on my progress. I will miss her sessions- she is bubbly and caring, not to mention that she has so many fun things to play with!

Papa has taken some leave from his work this month to spend time with me. We spent some time at the Assisi Home last week to donate the money that was collected during my birthday. In all, we will be donating four thousand dollars to the Children's Palliative Care programme for the terminally ill. Three thousand of which was kindly donated by family and friends on my very first birthday. I hope that these children will not suffer too much during their short journey with us, and that they will be as happy as can be. Mummy, help to care for them when they leave us to join you. Help take care of them as you would me.

2007-05-07T21:37:00.000+08:00

Oh we never know where life will take us
I know it's just a ride on the wheel
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel

Life's so fragile and love's so pure
We can't hold on but we try
We watch how quickly it disappears
And we never know why

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears...

-Karla Bonoff, Goodbye My Friend, 1988.

2007-04-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

I had my appointment to see Uncle Phua today. He says that I am doing well. A little delayed with the motor skills, but nothing too worrying. He sounded positive and encouraging.

Papa has noticed that I have met another milestone in the last few days. I have started to pull myself up to a squatting position on my knees, and am able to pull myself up onto low tables. I have brought smiles to my loved ones when I pull myself up to the railings of my cot, and have even started some basic 'coasting' around its sides. My legs aren't that strong and steady yet, but I am body-building every day. Soon my muscles will be bigger than papa's. Not.

Day 2 of my medications, and my wet nose is getting better. I am not cured yet, but at least I don't splutter and cough so much when I feed. 3 of the medicines are dissolved in my milk. They think I don't know, but I do. The antibiotic is being syringed into my mouth as I wriggle in protest twice a day. The pangs of growing up.

2007-04-25T21:58:00.000+08:00

I have been having a persistent wet nose since my last illness. It is causing me to choke badly when ever I have my milk or meals. Papa says it is dripping from my nose to the back of my throat. Which is what is causing my phlegmy chesty cough. The gurgling noises from my nose sound like I am blowing bubbles at the back of my throat. The wetness is dripping inside and seeping outside. My Aunty Elena has prescribed a course of antihistamines, antibiotics and something to loosen the phlegm. They are hoping that a five day intensive course of medication will banish the wetness. Papa says that I have turned out to be one allergic baby indeed. I pray my nose will dry up soon. It is making me feel tired.

2007-04-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

We travelled north to Johor, Malaysia over the Good Friday holidays. An hour's boat ride from Singapore's east coast on a warm Thursday afternoon, got us to an old secluded boating resort by a large river. It was three days of close living and papa had the exclusive honor of feeding, bathing and changing me. I am happy to report that we survived! I was also glad that he was fully occupied with caring for me- it was a necessary distraction from those significantly sad few days. As it turned out, we had a rather lazy few days eating, sleeping and swimming. I was given my first taste of Malaysian water too! Swimming pool water that is. Papa gave me my first dunking underwater. It was fun, but the water did taste funny. My aunties and uncles that accompanied us on the holiday helped papa to celebrate my birthday with an alfresco candle-lit dinner by the river side. There was even a cake with my name on it. After dinner, we launched paper boats with candles in them onto the still dark river. It was a symbolic gesture in remembrance of mummy, hoping that our love represented by the bright candles would find her somewhere along the dark rivers of eternity.

I have also recently had my twelve month checkup with Uncle Simon. He was generally pleased with my progress, and even though I still haven't learned to walk yet, he is optimistic that I will get there in due course. I now weigh 8.4kg and stand 77cm tall. No jabs this time around, but there will be at least two coming up in three months time. I am praying that I will have learned to run by then! Everyone says that I am starting to be more assertive lately. I can whinge and whine with the best of them and am very focussed about what I want. I can even play hide and seek using my blanket with the people around me. No wonder papa is looking increasingly exhausted around me. Mummy, I pray that you are safe and surrounded by the warmth of love just as I am. Where ever you may be.

2007-04-06T01:37:00.001+08:00

I find an old photograph
and see your smile.
As I feel your presence anew,
I am filled with warmth
and my heart remembers love.

I read an old card
sent many years ago
during a time of turmoil and confusion.
The soothing words written then
still caress my spirit and bring me peace.

I remember your sweet voice,
The reassuring tones,
The melodies and perfect pitch,
The joyousness and passion,
Guides my soul to a higher plane

I remember who you used to be
the laughter we shared
and wonder what you have become.
Where are you now, Where did you go,
When the body is left behind
and the spirit is released to fly?

Perhaps you are the morning bird
singing joyfully at sunrise,
or the butterfly that dances
so carelessly on the breeze
or the rainbow of colors
that brightens a stormy sky
or the fingers of afternoon mist
delicately reaching over the mountains
or the final few rays of the setting sun
lighting up the skies
edging the clouds with a magical glow.

I miss your being
but I feel your presence,
In whatever form you choose to take,
however you now choose to be.

-One year has passed and you continue to be deeply missed and loved by your 'Bunny' Colin.

2007-04-06T01:30:00.000+08:00

Mummy Darling we'll be alright,

We'll be good. Promise.
When you see us together,
Send us a kiss in the wind,
And a song in our hearts,
Whisper to us, "I love you",
We'll know it's you. Always.
We'll be waiting. Wait for us too.
We love you so much.

-Evan Gabriel & papa

2007-04-05T09:53:00.000+08:00

Papa and I will be taking a short vacation away together over the Good Friday. See you all soon when we get back.

2007-04-05T02:23:00.000+08:00

I am surrounded by so many,
But not by you, for that life is desperately lonely,
I am showered with abundant love
But not by you, for that I feel the utter despair,
I am blessed with a child,
But not with you, for that we share the emptiness.
For such is the torment of a crowded loneliness.

-CO.sg

2007-04-04T02:46:00.000+08:00

Mummy's birthday loved and remembered: 2nd of April was mummy's birthday. Papa brought me to the Niche of Saint Collette in the Church of Saint Mary's, where mummy's remains are buried. Some close friends were with us to lend support. We said a prayer and sang a song for her. There was much reverence and heartfelt sorrow lingering in the damp air. As we lit the 'birthday candles' for her, I felt mummy in the wind as she blew them out from where she was. A gentle gust on a still evening filled with her love as if to say, "I am here with you". Mummy dearest, papa says that now you are in Heaven, you will never grow old. You cannot imagine how much we all miss you. Wait for us. Happy Birthday Mummy Dearest.

Love is reckless; not reason.

Reason seeks a profit.

Love comes on strong,

consuming herself, unabashed.

Yet, in the midst of suffering,

Love proceeds like a millstone,

hard surfaced and straightforward.

Having died of self-interest,

she risks everything and asks for nothing.

Love gambles away every gift God bestows.

Without cause God gave us Being;

without cause, give it back again.

-Rumi

2007-04-04T02:07:00.000+08:00

Navigating through the rough waters of life- I am glad to have survived my first year...

Mummy made it look so easy...

We celebrated my First Birthday Sunday last. I am but one year young! It wasn't my actual birth date, which falls on the 6th of April, but papa had his reasons for wanting to celebrate it earlier. It was a celebration with close friends and family in the grounds of mummy's old parish, St Ignatius Church. The proximity to the priests' quarters would mean they would have an easier time attending the party. Father O'Neil who baptised me was there to offer a blessing before the party began. This Church was like a second home to mummy for most of her wonderful life and the location was meaningful and appropriate.

In lieu of birthday presents this year, papa had requested that friends and family donate to the Assisi Hospice- a Catholic welfare charity that takes care of the sick and needy. The money would be directed to a section of the Hospice, the Paediatric Palliative Care Programme. This recently implemented plan is directed at the care of children with terminal illnesses.

The party was fun. We had candy floss, popcorn, balloons and clowns. I managed to stay awake most of the afternoon. Everyone had lots of fun. It was a party to remember indeed.

Papa would like to thank all the kind souls that donated to the Assisi Hospice. In total, almost three thousand dollars was raised for this worthy mission. Papa imagines that mummy will be smiling with approval at all the generous donors. Thank you all for making my First Birthday that much more meaningful, and for helping to lift these children for whom life will be but a painful short journey.

2007-04-01T21:47:00.000+08:00

The most difficult time of the year for mummy's loved ones has arrived. Papa has succumbed to a more sombre mood lately. It is the week of painful anniversaries and resurrected memories. Papa has started calling it his annual week of mourning. The 2nd of April (Monday) would have been mummy's birthday. The 6th of April (which happens to be Good Friday this year) is the first anniversary of her going to heaven. It is also my birthday. Papa has taken leave from work this week to be with me as we remember and honor mummy's love. Time has failed to erode the pain. Papa has been trying hard to prepare tributes for mummy in memoriam for this week's newspaper publication. So far there have been more tears than words pouring forth. The sadness welling up from within belies the passage of time and superficial healing.

Papa misses her more than life itself.

2007-03-26T23:52:00.001+08:00

I'm back on my feet!

2007-03-23T11:29:00.000+08:00

I feel great today. Despite still having a slight rash around my legs and arms. The rashes around my back, abdomen and face are almost gone. More importantly my mood is back to it's usual self. I am once again chirpy and smiley. Papa says his 'Mr Sunshine' has returned after five nasty days. I am rearing to go and eager to catch up with the world once again.

2007-03-20T10:26:00.000+08:00

Fever Update Day 5: The fever broke late yesterday. In its place, little red spots have started popping up all over my body. So it was a viral infection after all. The doctors call it exanthem subitum or roseola infantum. My Aunty Elena says that this is normal, and marks the end stages of the viral infection. Thankfully, it is also not the kind of rash associated with Dengue fever. Papa now calls me his 'incy-wincy pokka dotted pinky baby'. The worst is over thankfully.

2007-03-19T16:49:00.000+08:00

Fever Day 4, afternoon update: Things are looking a little brighter this afternoon. The urine test results were negative, which means that I do not have a urine infection. Added to that, my fever has subsided this afternoon. So papa is holding back the medicines until it is necessary. Everyone has their fingers crossed that the fever will not come back. My condition tonight will be telling. Papa is heaving a much relished sigh of relief for the moment.

2007-03-19T12:42:00.000+08:00

Fever Day 4, morning update: Papa skipped work today to be with me. The fever unfortunately has not subsided. At 7am today, it was still spiking up to the 39degC range without the medicines. Papa brought me to see uncle Simon at Mount Alvernia Hospital this morning. Uncle Simon did a full physical examination. He too is not sure what it is at the moment. I will be having my urine tested for infections. He has also prescribed some strong antibiotic medication for later should the high fever trend continue. The only thing we can do now is to contain the high temperatures and to keep me hydrated. I am feeling more miserable and tired. My appetite is worse and my body is aching. I wish this would all go away. Papa says that I have to be strong and fight to get better, like I have always done. I hope that I will be well before my first birthday which is just around the corner. Pray for me mummy.

2007-03-19T00:36:00.000+08:00

Fever Day 3: As I enter the 3rd day of my fever, I have lost much of my usual energy. I have been feeling listless and lethargic. The medicine they put into my bum is starting to irritate me, and I have been having loose stools. My bum hurts. The fever has been spiking up into the 39degC range the whole day. So I continue to take my 4 hourly paracetamol syrup and 6 hourly 'Voltaren' suppositories to help control the raging fires within me. They have even changed my milk to soy milk, hoping it will not irritate my gastric so much. Everyone at home has been standing vigil over me today.

Papa brought me down to the hospital in the morning for a blood test. The results were not conclusive. Papa's worst fear is that I may have contracted Dengue fever. We will only know by Day 5 (this coming Tuesday). Meanwhile everyone is hoping the fever would have broken by then.

2007-03-17T18:56:00.000+08:00

Fever Update: Day 2 of my fever- and it still hasn't subsided. In fact, its being spiking up above the 39degC range the whole day. It has every one at home mildly concerned. Despite the 4 hourly panadol syrups and 6 hourly suppositories, the fever has yet to be contained. I am feeling a little more sluggish than normal, and am eating less than my usual pig-outs. The baths and wet sponge wipes help a little. Papa says that if it continues till tomorrow, I may have to go for a blood test to verify what is causing it. *sigh*

2007-03-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

Fever! I've got the blues today! I have had papa worried the whole day. I developed a high fever early this morning- 38.4degC. It has been spiking the whole day since. Only controlled by the medicines that they feed me through my mouth. It spiked up higher in the mid-day, and again tonight at about 8pm when it went up as high as 39.6degC! That freaked everyone out. It's even got papa praying momentarily. I've been sponged down several times and have even had medicines placed in me 'where the sun don't shine'. Twice. Ouch! It's going to be a long sleepless night for some of us.

Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care,
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever that's so hard to bear

You give me fever, when you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight.
Fever, in the morning,
Fever all through the night.

Sun lights up the daytime,
Moon lights up the night
And I light up when you call my name
And Oooh I'm gonna treat you right

You give me fever
When you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever, in the morning
Fever all through the night.
-Peggy Lee, Annie Ross

2007-03-16T01:55:00.000+08:00

All through eternity

Beauty unveils His exquisite form

in the solitude of nothingness;

He holds a mirror to His Face

and beholds His own beauty.

He is the knower and the known,

the seer and the seen;

No eye but His own

has ever looked upon this Universe.

His every quality finds an expression:

Eternity becomes the verdant field of Time and Space;

Love, the life-giving garden of this world.

Every branch and leaf and fruit

Reveals an aspect of His perfection-

The cypress give hint of His majesty,

The rose gives tidings of His beauty.

Whenever Beauty looks,

Love is also there;

Whenever beauty shows a rosy cheek

Love lights Her fire from that flame.

When beauty dwells in the dark folds of night

Love comes and finds a heart

entangled in tresses.

Beauty and Love are as body and soul.

Beauty is the mine, Love is the diamond.

They have together

since the beginning of time-

Side by side, step by step.
-Rumi

2007-03-05T09:38:00.000+08:00

Diary of Baby Blues & Mondays....

8.00 am, wake up late for school. Hangover from last night's beer. Find papa pacing beside my bed in slight distress. A smile of relief washes over his face as I rouse from my restful stupor.

8.15 am, drink my breakfast bottle of milk, tastes insipid beside my beer, no appetite, don't finish all.

8.30 am, choke on my morning phlegm and puke up ALL the milk over the floor and onto parts of papa's sleeve.

8.35 am, forced to take 2 types of horrible medicines for the phlegm. Resistance is futile.

8.40 am, sitting in my car seat, on the way to school, sneeze up 3 times, 3 huge thick mucous globs of greenish phlegm all over my face, drooping over my mouth. Doesn't taste half as bad before my frantic papa has to perform minor calisthenics leaning over in the middle of morning rush hour traffic, 3 times, to wipe the gob out of my mouth and off my face.

8.50 am, arrive in school, cry forlornly at papa, clinging tightly to his shirt as I am ripped from his arms, before papa discovers that my poorly assembled diaper has leaked! That's not before I decided to take a crap. Curry colored, rotting durian smelling poop all over papa's nicely pressed shirt. Papa lets out a deathly groan and mutters words I've not heard him say before. Straight to the bathroom for the both of us.

9.00 am, Papa gets back into car with a sigh of relief. Sniffing the air suspiciously, he discovers that poop has oozed its way onto the car-seat too! Dandy! Papa forced to drive with windows down all the way to work. Odourful images of the effects of heat on poop in humid dank car-park over a whole day waft across his screen as he posts a sale on eBay: "baby for sale"......

2007-03-02T01:33:00.000+08:00

My Personal Gym Session

2007-03-02T01:01:00.000+08:00

It's the Year of The Golden Pig!

That's me 'pigging' out on my milk.
I can only hold the bottle for a short while on my own...

Cousin Timmy and Me in traditional outfits...

Cousins Andrew, Timmy and Me...slip sliding away...

I Love Durians!

No kidding!

Cousin Debbie and Me...not so sure about all this kissy-feely stuff...

Wishing one and all a peaceful, healthy and prosperous Chinese New Year...

2007-02-14T00:01:00.000+08:00

An Ode To Thee My Darling Dearest...
Happy Valentines Day where ever you may be.
Love you always.

I swear, since seeing Your face,

the whole world is fraud and fantasy

The garden is bewildered as to what is leaf

or blossom. The distracted birds

can't distinguish the birdseed from the snare.

A house of love with no limits,

a presence more beautiful than venus or the moon,

a beauty whose image fills the mirror of the heart.

- Rumi"Happy Valentines Day Mummy Dearest!"

2007-02-11T01:23:00.000+08:00

Day 311 (Saturday 10th February 2007): This week marks the first time that I have actually panicked at the sight of papa leaving me in school. I cried at school on Monday. It was a feeling I could not resist. I pouted and whimpered to try and get him to come back. It worked for awhile. But only for as long as it took him to give me another hug and kiss. My teachers were well trained to distract me after that.

This past week saw us celebrating birthdays for my cousin Lea and my Great-Grandmother Claire. I want to wish them both many more days of happiness and wonderment.

I had my physiotherapy session with Aunty Sharon on Thursday. She was generally pleased with my progress, but still said I had to continue working hard. I have to work on my balance and my sitting skills. She told papa that he should start to encourage me to practice my standing more. I can't wait for the day when I can run around with my cousins.

Mummy dearest, we think of you all the time. Papa says that I would have been so proud to have had a mummy like you. I know that you cannot be with us. But I hope that you will feel the full force of our great love for you, and that you will be comforted by it wherever you may go. I know my mummy misses me. Evan loves my mummy very much.

2007-02-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

My 'Energizer Bunny'....

2007-02-07T00:16:00.000+08:00

Don't go anywhere without me.
Let nothing happen in the sky apart from me,
or on the ground, in this world or that world,
without my being in its happening.
Vision, see nothing I don't see.
Language, say nothing.
The way the night knows itself with the moon,
be that with me. Be the rose
nearest to the thorn that I am.

There's nothing worse than to walk out along the street
without you. I don't know where I'm going.
You're the road, and the knower of roads,
more than maps, more than love.

-Rumi, In the Arc of your mallet, The Essential Rumi, Coleman Barks.

2007-02-01T19:59:00.000+08:00

My cousin Timmy and me enjoying a moment of cousinly love...

Day 302 (Thursday 1st February 2007): Papa brought me to the Jurong Bird Park on Sunday. It was a very cool and slightly damp morning. Perfect weather for walking. Perfect weather for sleeping too! My buddy Vee Shen was with me. It was an enjoyable day- the warmth of loved ones, a friend by my side and walking with the birds. What more could one ask for on a serene Sunday morning.

Today was my appointment with Dr Phuah. I have not seen him for three months. He was pleased with my progress. He was of the opinion that I was on the right track so far. At the end of the session, he declared that I did not have to see him at a fixed interval anymore. Instead, the reviews would be left open ended, with papa bringing me back only if he thought it was necessary. I am guessing that this is supposed to be good news. Only time can tell.

2007-01-30T09:47:00.000+08:00

Footprints along the shores of time
Fleeting imprints etched in its sands
Full of vigor and joys so sublime
Dissolved in the wake of unseen hands
-CO.sg

2007-01-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

Love my feet...

Love my teeth...

Love my hair !!!

Day 294 (Wednesday 24th January 2007): It was my second day of school today. I love it. The teachers are so kind and caring. I get to spend the whole morning, three times a week, playing with so many other kids and being cared for so tenderly by my teachers. I could get used to this.

The day usually starts with papa dropping me off at 8.30am in the morning. There I get greeted with a huge hug and a beautiful smile by my teacher, Miss Sunshine. I get my temperature taken at the entrance to the school to make sure I don't have a fever before I go in. Then it's usually straight to the playground if the weather is good. There I get to play in a large outdoor, rubberised playground with lots of colourful toys and swings, with all the other kids. On other days we go indoors to play with songs, words and numbers. All this is usually followed by a hearty breakfast. Then its more physical activity, singing nursery rhymes and what they call 'active learning'. By late morning, I am usually feeling tired, so I get to nap for about an hour. After which I am then fed my lunch, and get to play a little more before I have to go home by 1pm. My teachers say I am 'co-operative and adaptable', whatever that means. I just know I enjoy the company of all these people around me.

Papa is glad that things have worked out well for me in school. Mummy, I wish you could see me now. You would be so proud of me. I miss you so much mummy. Love you always.

2007-01-20T02:30:00.000+08:00

"My Christmas wish came true..."

"Vee and me..."

"I don't know why I have become the butt of all the froggy jokes lately...."

Day 289 (Friday 19th January 2007): I have started cutting my two front teeth in my lower jaw. They feel funny. To papa, they are the two most beautiful teeth in the world.

My buddy Vee Shen celebrated his very first birthday last Sunday. There was a nice party with a huge ice-cream cake to boot. My Aunty Prisca also celebrated her birthday on Wednesday. I wish them all a very happy birthday.

Papa says that I will be starting school soon. He is sending me to an infant care school for three half days in the week. He hopes that these morning sessions will provide me with some quality stimulation while he is at work. It is only a start. If I like it, then he may increase the time I spend in the school. I am really looking forward to meeting all the other kids. The only thing papa is not looking forward to, is the waking up earlier bit. But he will learn to live with it with a thousand yawns. Let's hope I make some good friends there to make it all worth his while.

2007-01-13T01:54:00.000+08:00

My first Bungee jump!
(the reason why papa calls me the youngest 'crash-test-dummy')

I start off by first limbering up, stretching those muscles, and working myself up to a frenzy by shouting myself on. Then when I know I have the camera's attention......*whooopeee*

2007-01-13T00:25:00.000+08:00

I'm lying here, and I know the night must fall,
The edge of darkness is so near,
So hold back the night, hold back the night,
It's darkness that I fear
And in my heart there's not a shadow of a doubt
The final truth waits there for me,
There's no where to hide, no where to hide,
From the memories we had together.

These Todays alone mean nothing anymore,
Give me one more Tomorrow, one more Tomorrow,
To see what the future had in store,
For another chance to hold you in my arms,
For the loving calm we had been living for,
One more Tomorrow, one more Tomorrow,
To say the things we had always known in our hearts,
To help me through this night that never ends,

Inner voices in the quiet of the night
In the end angry silence calls for me
No time for tears, no time for tears,
To find a way to break free,
Memories keep flooding back,
Drowning me in seas of sorrow,
Hold back the fears, hold back the fears,
For without you, there is no more tomorrow.

-CO.sg, inspired by the song One more Tomorrow, by the Electric Light Orchestra

2007-01-11T02:12:00.000+08:00

That's me at 9 days....

And that's me again at 9 months!

Day 282 (Friday, 12th January 2007): I have come a long way, according to papa. I am evolving so fast, papa still can't believe his eyes when he looks back at some of the 'old' photographs of me. At 9 months, papa says that I have become so much bigger in size that he is finding it difficult to carry me around like he used to. My baby-look has been lost forever. I am also more aware of my surroundings. I am no longer satisfied at being the passive observer. Curiosity and a strong will always get the better of me these days. Which can be dangerous sometimes, and very tiring for my care-givers all the time.

We had another physiotherapy session at Mount Alvernia Hospital on Thursday, and the therapist, Sharon, said that I had grown stronger since she last saw me. I am able to crawl better and sit up with more confidence. I still need to work hard on gaining my balance though. Papa is quietly confident that I will get there eventually, although he knows all too well that anything can happen.

Papa has been thinking about moving back to our own home sometime soon. The transition will not be easy, but is inevitable. He has been very grateful to my Uncle Douglas and Aunty Elena for their generosity. If not for their love and support these last nine months, papa would have been devastated. He will look back at the times spent with them as a time of strengthened bonds. Papa never really had the time before to get to know Aunty Elena and my cousins Timothy and Andrew very well. These last nine months have brought intimacy and a closeness that would never have otherwise existed. This has been one of the few rays of light piercing through the thick dark clouds that have enveloped us. The time has come to move on and confront the past before we can look again to the future. Whatever little that is left of it. The loving memories of mummy still burn deep within papa's heart. A fire that will never be extinguished. Not even by time. We all love and miss mummy very much.

2007-01-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

Day 274 (Thursday 4th January 2007): I spent the entire day with papa today. He took me to see Dr Simon for my nine-month review. I weigh 7.55kg and am now 72cm tall! Papa says that Dr Simon was 'guardedly optimistic' about my progress. He said that intellectually I seemed to be doing well but was still lagging slightly on my physical motor-skills. He didn't seem too concerned as he thought that it was still too early to conclude anything. So the outcome of today's review was encouraging, but largely neutral.

Papa took me to the zoo with my cousin Andrew today. It was a hot humid afternoon, but we did enjoy ourselves very much. I was much more alert than on my previous trips and very curious about all those strange-looking, smelly animals than ever before. I was given my very first taste of something nice and sweet after our little adventure- papa gave me a lick of his cold mango sorbet. It was nice!

2007-01-04T20:22:00.000+08:00

Water and I don't mix well...

2007-01-01T10:54:00.000+08:00

If you were lost, how would I find you,
what path take along dark streets, through
damp vaults, how untangle those choices
far underground, those myriad voices?

If I were gone, you could no longer follow
through great spillways, or deep hollows.
In that world, my footsteps would fade,
there would be no echo, no light or shade.

Still, somewhere your presence ahead
would call, through realms of the dead,
through time imploded and turned back,
platform deserted, abandoned track.

No pause in this long pursuit, this seeking
that has no end. Neither of us speaking,
or able to break the spell—neither chase
nor surrender. Only the lost, familiar face.

- Jared Carter, Laodamia to Protesilaus, from The Raintown Review

2006-12-31T01:51:00.000+08:00

Day 270 (Sunday 31st December 2006): Papa has been taking a short Christmas break away from the blog in order to recharge his batteries. The recent earthquake around Taiwan that disrupted the Internet in Asia just meant that the break was extended, a little.

I have since recovered from my bad flu. It was the worst that I have suffered so far. Papa says that there is still a left-over cough, but nothing serious. Papa could tell that I had recovered when, two days ago, I began to smile more again. He had missed that the most.

I have begun to make some progress with my physical development. I have started to do the 'commando' crawl. I still have balancing issues, but at least I can now claw my way to my toys. Failing which I just roll to them. My sitting ability has also improved. I can sit up more steadily now, although I have not yet learned to sit from the prone position by myself. In good time, in good time, I pray.

Papa and I would like to wish one and all a peaceful, contented and joyous new year. We hope that mummy has found the same where ever she may be. Papa misses mummy very much on this their anniversary. May she rest in everlasting peace in the knowledge of his immense love for her, more than words or actions could ever have said. Love you mummy.