Diary of Baby Blues & Mondays....

8.00 am, wake up late for school. Hangover from last night's beer. Find papa pacing beside my bed in slight distress. A smile of relief washes over his face as I rouse from my restful stupor.

8.15 am, drink my breakfast bottle of milk, tastes insipid beside my beer, no appetite, don't finish all.

8.30 am, choke on my morning phlegm and puke up ALL the milk over the floor and onto parts of papa's sleeve.

8.35 am, forced to take 2 types of horrible medicines for the phlegm. Resistance is futile.

8.40 am, sitting in my car seat, on the way to school, sneeze up 3 times, 3 huge thick mucous globs of greenish phlegm all over my face, drooping over my mouth. Doesn't taste half as bad before my frantic papa has to perform minor calisthenics leaning over in the middle of morning rush hour traffic, 3 times, to wipe the gob out of my mouth and off my face.

8.50 am, arrive in school, cry forlornly at papa, clinging tightly to his shirt as I am ripped from his arms, before papa discovers that my poorly assembled diaper has leaked! That's not before I decided to take a crap. Curry colored, rotting durian smelling poop all over papa's nicely pressed shirt. Papa lets out a deathly groan and mutters words I've not heard him say before. Straight to the bathroom for the both of us.

9.00 am, Papa gets back into car with a sigh of relief. Sniffing the air suspiciously, he discovers that poop has oozed its way onto the car-seat too! Dandy! Papa forced to drive with windows down all the way to work. Odourful images of the effects of heat on poop in humid dank car-park over a whole day waft across his screen as he posts a sale on eBay: "baby for sale"......