Fever Day 3: As I enter the 3rd day of my fever, I have lost much of my usual energy. I have been feeling listless and lethargic. The medicine they put into my bum is starting to irritate me, and I have been having loose stools. My bum hurts. The fever has been spiking up into the 39degC range the whole day. So I continue to take my 4 hourly paracetamol syrup and 6 hourly 'Voltaren' suppositories to help control the raging fires within me. They have even changed my milk to soy milk, hoping it will not irritate my gastric so much. Everyone at home has been standing vigil over me today.

Papa brought me down to the hospital in the morning for a blood test. The results were not conclusive. Papa's worst fear is that I may have contracted Dengue fever. We will only know by Day 5 (this coming Tuesday). Meanwhile everyone is hoping the fever would have broken by then.

Fever Update: Day 2 of my fever- and it still hasn't subsided. In fact, its being spiking up above the 39degC range the whole day. It has every one at home mildly concerned. Despite the 4 hourly panadol syrups and 6 hourly suppositories, the fever has yet to be contained. I am feeling a little more sluggish than normal, and am eating less than my usual pig-outs. The baths and wet sponge wipes help a little. Papa says that if it continues till tomorrow, I may have to go for a blood test to verify what is causing it. *sigh*

Fever! I've got the blues today! I have had papa worried the whole day. I developed a high fever early this morning- 38.4degC. It has been spiking the whole day since. Only controlled by the medicines that they feed me through my mouth. It spiked up higher in the mid-day, and again tonight at about 8pm when it went up as high as 39.6degC! That freaked everyone out. It's even got papa praying momentarily. I've been sponged down several times and have even had medicines placed in me 'where the sun don't shine'. Twice. Ouch! It's going to be a long sleepless night for some of us.

Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care,
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever that's so hard to bear

You give me fever, when you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight.
Fever, in the morning,
Fever all through the night.

Sun lights up the daytime,
Moon lights up the night
And I light up when you call my name
And Oooh I'm gonna treat you right

You give me fever
When you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever, in the morning
Fever all through the night.

-Peggy Lee, Annie Ross

All through eternity

Beauty unveils His exquisite form

in the solitude of nothingness;

He holds a mirror to His Face

and beholds His own beauty.

He is the knower and the known,

the seer and the seen;

No eye but His own

has ever looked upon this Universe.

His every quality finds an expression:

Eternity becomes the verdant field of Time and Space;

Love, the life-giving garden of this world.

Every branch and leaf and fruit

Reveals an aspect of His perfection-

The cypress give hint of His majesty,

The rose gives tidings of His beauty.

Whenever Beauty looks,

Love is also there;

Whenever beauty shows a rosy cheek

Love lights Her fire from that flame.

When beauty dwells in the dark folds of night

Love comes and finds a heart

entangled in tresses.

Beauty and Love are as body and soul.

Beauty is the mine, Love is the diamond.

They have together

since the beginning of time-

Side by side, step by step.

-Rumi

Diary of Baby Blues & Mondays....

8.00 am, wake up late for school. Hangover from last night's beer. Find papa pacing beside my bed in slight distress. A smile of relief washes over his face as I rouse from my restful stupor.

8.15 am, drink my breakfast bottle of milk, tastes insipid beside my beer, no appetite, don't finish all.

8.30 am, choke on my morning phlegm and puke up ALL the milk over the floor and onto parts of papa's sleeve.

8.35 am, forced to take 2 types of horrible medicines for the phlegm. Resistance is futile.

8.40 am, sitting in my car seat, on the way to school, sneeze up 3 times, 3 huge thick mucous globs of greenish phlegm all over my face, drooping over my mouth. Doesn't taste half as bad before my frantic papa has to perform minor calisthenics leaning over in the middle of morning rush hour traffic, 3 times, to wipe the gob out of my mouth and off my face.

8.50 am, arrive in school, cry forlornly at papa, clinging tightly to his shirt as I am ripped from his arms, before papa discovers that my poorly assembled diaper has leaked! That's not before I decided to take a crap. Curry colored, rotting durian smelling poop all over papa's nicely pressed shirt. Papa lets out a deathly groan and mutters words I've not heard him say before. Straight to the bathroom for the both of us.

9.00 am, Papa gets back into car with a sigh of relief. Sniffing the air suspiciously, he discovers that poop has oozed its way onto the car-seat too! Dandy! Papa forced to drive with windows down all the way to work. Odourful images of the effects of heat on poop in humid dank car-park over a whole day waft across his screen as he posts a sale on eBay: "baby for sale"......

My Personal Gym Session

It's the Year of The Golden Pig!

That's me 'pigging' out on my milk.
I can only hold the bottle for a short while on my own...

Cousin Timmy and Me in traditional outfits...

Cousins Andrew, Timmy and Me...slip sliding away...

I Love Durians!

No kidding!

Cousin Debbie and Me...not so sure about all this kissy-feely stuff...

Wishing one and all a peaceful, healthy and prosperous Chinese New Year...

An Ode To Thee My Darling Dearest...
Happy Valentines Day where ever you may be.
Love you always.

I swear, since seeing Your face,

the whole world is fraud and fantasy

The garden is bewildered as to what is leaf

or blossom. The distracted birds

can't distinguish the birdseed from the snare.

A house of love with no limits,

a presence more beautiful than venus or the moon,

a beauty whose image fills the mirror of the heart.

- Rumi"Happy Valentines Day Mummy Dearest!"

Day 311 (Saturday 10th February 2007): This week marks the first time that I have actually panicked at the sight of papa leaving me in school. I cried at school on Monday. It was a feeling I could not resist. I pouted and whimpered to try and get him to come back. It worked for awhile. But only for as long as it took him to give me another hug and kiss. My teachers were well trained to distract me after that.

This past week saw us celebrating birthdays for my cousin Lea and my Great-Grandmother Claire. I want to wish them both many more days of happiness and wonderment.

I had my physiotherapy session with Aunty Sharon on Thursday. She was generally pleased with my progress, but still said I had to continue working hard. I have to work on my balance and my sitting skills. She told papa that he should start to encourage me to practice my standing more. I can't wait for the day when I can run around with my cousins.


Mummy dearest, we think of you all the time. Papa says that I would have been so proud to have had a mummy like you. I know that you cannot be with us. But I hope that you will feel the full force of our great love for you, and that you will be comforted by it wherever you may go. I know my mummy misses me. Evan loves my mummy very much.

My 'Energizer Bunny'....

Don't go anywhere without me.
Let nothing happen in the sky apart from me,
or on the ground, in this world or that world,
without my being in its happening.
Vision, see nothing I don't see.
Language, say nothing.
The way the night knows itself with the moon,
be that with me. Be the rose
nearest to the thorn that I am.

There's nothing worse than to walk out along the street
without you. I don't know where I'm going.
You're the road, and the knower of roads,
more than maps, more than love.

-Rumi, In the Arc of your mallet, The Essential Rumi, Coleman Barks.

My cousin Timmy and me enjoying a moment of cousinly love...

Day 302 (Thursday 1st February 2007): Papa brought me to the Jurong Bird Park on Sunday. It was a very cool and slightly damp morning. Perfect weather for walking. Perfect weather for sleeping too! My buddy Vee Shen was with me. It was an enjoyable day- the warmth of loved ones, a friend by my side and walking with the birds. What more could one ask for on a serene Sunday morning.

Today was my appointment with Dr Phuah. I have not seen him for three months. He was pleased with my progress. He was of the opinion that I was on the right track so far. At the end of the session, he declared that I did not have to see him at a fixed interval anymore. Instead, the reviews would be left open ended, with papa bringing me back only if he thought it was necessary. I am guessing that this is supposed to be good news. Only time can tell.

Footprints along the shores of time
Fleeting imprints etched in its sands
Full of vigor and joys so sublime
Dissolved in the wake of unseen hands
-CO.sg

Love my feet...

Love my teeth...

Love my hair !!!

Day 294 (Wednesday 24th January 2007): It was my second day of school today. I love it. The teachers are so kind and caring. I get to spend the whole morning, three times a week, playing with so many other kids and being cared for so tenderly by my teachers. I could get used to this.

The day usually starts with papa dropping me off at 8.30am in the morning. There I get greeted with a huge hug and a beautiful smile by my teacher, Miss Sunshine. I get my temperature taken at the entrance to the school to make sure I don't have a fever before I go in. Then it's usually straight to the playground if the weather is good. There I get to play in a large outdoor, rubberised playground with lots of colourful toys and swings, with all the other kids. On other days we go indoors to play with songs, words and numbers. All this is usually followed by a hearty breakfast. Then its more physical activity, singing nursery rhymes and what they call 'active learning'. By late morning, I am usually feeling tired, so I get to nap for about an hour. After which I am then fed my lunch, and get to play a little more before I have to go home by 1pm. My teachers say I am 'co-operative and adaptable', whatever that means. I just know I enjoy the company of all these people around me.

Papa is glad that things have worked out well for me in school. Mummy, I wish you could see me now. You would be so proud of me. I miss you so much mummy. Love you always.

"My Christmas wish came true..."

"Vee and me..."

"I don't know why I have become the butt of all the froggy jokes lately...."

Day 289 (Friday 19th January 2007): I have started cutting my two front teeth in my lower jaw. They feel funny. To papa, they are the two most beautiful teeth in the world.

My buddy Vee Shen celebrated his very first birthday last Sunday. There was a nice party with a huge ice-cream cake to boot. My Aunty Prisca also celebrated her birthday on Wednesday. I wish them all a very happy birthday.

Papa says that I will be starting school soon. He is sending me to an infant care school for three half days in the week. He hopes that these morning sessions will provide me with some quality stimulation while he is at work. It is only a start. If I like it, then he may increase the time I spend in the school. I am really looking forward to meeting all the other kids. The only thing papa is not looking forward to, is the waking up earlier bit. But he will learn to live with it with a thousand yawns. Let's hope I make some good friends there to make it all worth his while.

My first Bungee jump!
(the reason why papa calls me the youngest 'crash-test-dummy')

I start off by first limbering up, stretching those muscles, and working myself up to a frenzy by shouting myself on. Then when I know I have the camera's attention......*whooopeee*

I'm lying here, and I know the night must fall,
The edge of darkness is so near,
So hold back the night, hold back the night,
It's darkness that I fear
And in my heart there's not a shadow of a doubt
The final truth waits there for me,
There's no where to hide, no where to hide,
From the memories we had together.

These Todays alone mean nothing anymore,
Give me one more Tomorrow, one more Tomorrow,
To see what the future had in store,
For another chance to hold you in my arms,
For the loving calm we had been living for,
One more Tomorrow, one more Tomorrow,
To say the things we had always known in our hearts,
To help me through this night that never ends,

Inner voices in the quiet of the night
In the end angry silence calls for me
No time for tears, no time for tears,
To find a way to break free,
Memories keep flooding back,
Drowning me in seas of sorrow,
Hold back the fears, hold back the fears,
For without you, there is no more tomorrow.

-CO.sg, inspired by the song One more Tomorrow, by the Electric Light Orchestra

That's me at 9 days....


And that's me again at 9 months!

Day 282 (Friday, 12th January 2007): I have come a long way, according to papa. I am evolving so fast, papa still can't believe his eyes when he looks back at some of the 'old' photographs of me. At 9 months, papa says that I have become so much bigger in size that he is finding it difficult to carry me around like he used to. My baby-look has been lost forever. I am also more aware of my surroundings. I am no longer satisfied at being the passive observer. Curiosity and a strong will always get the better of me these days. Which can be dangerous sometimes, and very tiring for my care-givers all the time.

We had another physiotherapy session at Mount Alvernia Hospital on Thursday, and the therapist, Sharon, said that I had grown stronger since she last saw me. I am able to crawl better and sit up with more confidence. I still need to work hard on gaining my balance though. Papa is quietly confident that I will get there eventually, although he knows all too well that anything can happen.

Papa has been thinking about moving back to our own home sometime soon. The transition will not be easy, but is inevitable. He has been very grateful to my Uncle Douglas and Aunty Elena for their generosity. If not for their love and support these last nine months, papa would have been devastated. He will look back at the times spent with them as a time of strengthened bonds. Papa never really had the time before to get to know Aunty Elena and my cousins Timothy and Andrew very well. These last nine months have brought intimacy and a closeness that would never have otherwise existed. This has been one of the few rays of light piercing through the thick dark clouds that have enveloped us. The time has come to move on and confront the past before we can look again to the future. Whatever little that is left of it. The loving memories of mummy still burn deep within papa's heart. A fire that will never be extinguished. Not even by time. We all love and miss mummy very much.

Day 274 (Thursday 4th January 2007): I spent the entire day with papa today. He took me to see Dr Simon for my nine-month review. I weigh 7.55kg and am now 72cm tall! Papa says that Dr Simon was 'guardedly optimistic' about my progress. He said that intellectually I seemed to be doing well but was still lagging slightly on my physical motor-skills. He didn't seem too concerned as he thought that it was still too early to conclude anything. So the outcome of today's review was encouraging, but largely neutral.

Papa took me to the zoo with my cousin Andrew today. It was a hot humid afternoon, but we did enjoy ourselves very much. I was much more alert than on my previous trips and very curious about all those strange-looking, smelly animals than ever before. I was given my very first taste of something nice and sweet after our little adventure- papa gave me a lick of his cold mango sorbet. It was nice!

Water and I don't mix well...

If you were lost, how would I find you,
what path take along dark streets, through
damp vaults, how untangle those choices
far underground, those myriad voices?

If I were gone, you could no longer follow
through great spillways, or deep hollows.
In that world, my footsteps would fade,
there would be no echo, no light or shade.

Still, somewhere your presence ahead
would call, through realms of the dead,
through time imploded and turned back,
platform deserted, abandoned track.

No pause in this long pursuit, this seeking
that has no end. Neither of us speaking,
or able to break the spell—neither chase
nor surrender. Only the lost, familiar face.

- Jared Carter, Laodamia to Protesilaus, from The Raintown Review

Day 270 (Sunday 31st December 2006): Papa has been taking a short Christmas break away from the blog in order to recharge his batteries. The recent earthquake around Taiwan that disrupted the Internet in Asia just meant that the break was extended, a little.

I have since recovered from my bad flu. It was the worst that I have suffered so far. Papa says that there is still a left-over cough, but nothing serious. Papa could tell that I had recovered when, two days ago, I began to smile more again. He had missed that the most.

I have begun to make some progress with my physical development. I have started to do the 'commando' crawl. I still have balancing issues, but at least I can now claw my way to my toys. Failing which I just roll to them. My sitting ability has also improved. I can sit up more steadily now, although I have not yet learned to sit from the prone position by myself. In good time, in good time, I pray.

Papa and I would like to wish one and all a peaceful, contented and joyous new year. We hope that mummy has found the same where ever she may be. Papa misses mummy very much on this their anniversary. May she rest in everlasting peace in the knowledge of his immense love for her, more than words or actions could ever have said. Love you mummy.

The beauty of the heart

is the lasting beauty:

its lips give to drink

of the water of life.
Truly it is the water,

that which pours,

and the one who drinks.

All three become one when

your talisman is shattered.

That oneness you can't know

by reasoning.

-Rumi

Day 261 (Friday 22nd December 2006): I have developed a fever yet again. There are no other symptoms at the moment, but on Thursday evening, papa recorded a temperature of of 39degC. The usual fever medicines were squirted down my throat, which has managed to contain it between the 37.5-38.7degC range so far. In fact the first night, when it did not subside sufficiently, a "suppository" was inserted into my "depository". My first encounter of the 'close' kind. As of today, Friday, the fever has still not subsided. Papa is a little worried naturally. This is the worst bout of fever that I have encountered to-date. Papa says that I must rise to the occasion yet again.


Fortunately, I had some fun before the fever consumed me. I was invited to attend my very first Christmas Gingerbread House party. I was only allowed to observe the other kids making the houses. It looked fun not to mention yummy! It was something about my fingers in my drooling mouth that seemed to make the difference as to how close they let me get to the action.
I can't wait for next years party- hopefully I will be able to hold my own.

Christmas is a sad time for papa. It reminds him of all the times mummy spent rehearsing and performing for the Church choirs and for the Singapore Philharmonic Chorus. It was a passion that made her very happy. Papa could tell, and though it meant less time together, he was always happy that she was in her element and enjoying herself. Christmas also signals the approach of their wedding anniversary. They were married on January the 1st. Papa says he will need the help of much fermented fluids this Christmas to carry him far away from these poignant memories. He dreamt of mummy the other night. It was a short dream. Mummy was in a happy mood, and she held papa's hand so lovingly, as she pulled him along to something that she wanted him to see. There was a feeling of love and assurance. Alas, the dream ended there. Papa thinks that it was his subconscious desire to be reunited with mummy that sparked the dream. I think that it was mummy trying to sooth papa's lonely soul. Mummy dearest, stay close to us and never let us go. We miss you very much.

I am a sculptor, a molder of form.

In every moment I shape an idol.

But then, in front of you, I melt them down

I can rouse a hundred forms

and fill them with spirit,

but when I look into your face,

I want to throw them in the fire.

My souls spills into yours and is blended.

Because my soul has absorbed your fragrance,

I cherish it.

Every drop of blood I spill

informs the earth,

I merge with my Beloved

when I participate in love.

In this house of mud and water,

my heart has fallen to ruins.

Enter this house, my Love, or let me leave.

-Rumi

"I'm forever blowing bubbles..." *choke choke" (Part deux)

"I'm forever blowing bubbles...."

(Warning! Viewer discretion is advised. This clip may contain scenes of graphic salivation and may be unsuitable for viewers with weak stomachs or who are suffering from obsessive compulsive neatness disorders.)

A moment of happiness,

you and I sitting on the verandah,

apparently two, but one in soul, you and I.

We feel the flowing water of life here,

you and I, with the garden's beauty

and the birds singing.

The stars will be watching us,

and we will show them

what it is to be a thin crescent moon.

You and I unselfed, will be together,

indifferent to idle speculation, you and I.

The parrots of heaven will be cracking sugar

as we laugh together, you and I.

In one form upon this earth,

and in another form in a timeless sweet land

-Rumi