A Letter from Papa to Mummy.......

Darling dearest, it's me.
Its been sixty days and sixty nights since
the unimaginable silenced our revelry,
The memory still as fresh as if it was yesterday,
Who would have imagined our parting could be so violent,
We had so much more planned,
More so with our budding new arrival,
Alas, life has seen fit to pervert this dream.
I will miss what we could have been,
The magic laughter and playful banter in between,
Shattered in a blink of an eye
In a desperate gasp for air
One last sigh,
A final beat of the heart,
You left our bundle of care,
Amidst the wailing cries of a husband on bended knees,
Begging for His mercy, to have you spared,
For at least a moment with Evan, so you could see,
The Gift of your struggles and sacrifices laid bare.

Our miracle baby has since grown like a prince,
A feisty warrior battling to make it all worthwhile,
Riding high on a carpet of prayers and peace,
He waves the flag with guts and style.
We both miss you terribly.
The nights are cold and the days are empty,
Time has stood still,
Through cloudy days and restless nights,
A love without a lover,
So much to live for and dream,
A baby without a mother,
So much hope and love torn asunder,

Evan has been deprived of your loving touch,
Something which I try to make up for as best I can,
But I know it is nigh impossible,
To love like a mother would,
To celebrate like only you could,
We are like a clock without one hand,
A piano without its strings,
A family without wings,
Futility mirrored as a silent scream,
Musical notes echo like an empty dream,
The idle piano a stark reminder of your absence,
Eerie reminders of your daily existence
Lie scattered as they were, by your hand,
The music has come to an end.

The weekends are always the hardest,
With no work for distraction,
The hands of time dripping slowly its sand,
Familiar routines are no more,
What do I do with all this time at hand,
The aimlessness piercing to the core,
Tears welling up like a mighty tide,
The pain chasing like a rabid hound,
Stumbling confounded with no where to hide,
Running ragged to a place not to be found,
Howling dread gnawing relentlessly,
The loneliness grating into an open wound,
Emptiness feeding on the hopelessness and inhumanity.

I felt your presence the other day,
Thank you for being there on Pentecost,
There was nothing I could say,
Words were all but lost,
Wrapping your arms around my ruptured heart,
Assuaging the hurt and the hidden fears,
Washing my soul in crimson tears,
The passion of Pentecost was strange and profound,
Although the meaning left unclear, at least for now,
It struck me with an overwhelming and lingering resound,
Was it God's love that I felt, was it His healing touch?
So many questions, yet answers are what I seek
Faith and belief are what I yearn for so much,
To inherit the earth like the humble and the meek.

Till our next encounter, where ever that may be,
The chance to clasp your slender supple fingers once again,
Perhaps in a dream when I am set free,
Or in a fantasy driven by insanity,
Perhaps in Heaven if it could exist,
Where we will once again find our rapture and bliss,
Hopefully this time,
It will be a marriage that not even time can resist.