Day 171 (Saturday, September 23rd 2006): I spent the evening on Saturday with papa and some friends by the beach at Sentosa. It was fun. I got to spend time with my friends Alexia, Lucas, Joel and Beth. We had fun playing in the sand and water. The sky was overcast and the weather was cool. While my buddy Joel was building tunnels in the wet sand, his sister Beth spent her time being buried in it. I managed to get my feet wet, but I was having more fun rolling on the beach mat with Alexia. Everyone had a good time. Papa enjoyed himself kicking a football around with the other uncles and aunties. I have discovered that beer and fellowship go well together. We helped to celebrate Uncle Clive's birthday in advance, with a bottle of 'Veuve Clicq' bubbly over dinner.

It was my Aunty Jun Leng's birthday on Saturday as well. Our best wishes to her from Singapore!

Mummy dearest, I think you would have loved being on the beach with papa and me. We found this great eatery just by the beach. Papa says that you have not been to this part of the beach on Sentosa. The setting was relaxing and it wasn't too crowded. Papa says that he was sure you would have loved it. We all yearned for your touch as the sun set on us. Miss you much mummy.

Food, glorious food!

Day 170 (Friday, 22nd September 2006): I have fallen ill again. My nose has been runny and bunged up for the last few days. Today, I started coughing. It's a chesty and wet cough. There was a slight fever last night. But today the fever has gone. I have been given some anti-histamine medicine to control the drippy nose. Papa and Aunty Elena are watching closely to see if I need more medicine in the coming few days.

It was Aunty Sarey's and Uncle Kek's birthdays recently. Happy birthday to the both of them. I spent Thursday afternoon at my buddy Vee Shen's home. We were there to help celebrate his papa's, Uncle Kek's, birthday in the evening. It was fun as always.

You left me, sweet, two legacies,
A legacy of love
A Heavenly Father would content,
Had He the offer of;

You left me boundaries of pain
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me

-Emily Dickinson, You Left Me.

Day 165 (Sunday 17th September 2006): All is quiet on the fever front. I have not had any fever since my jabs on Thursday. Papa's fears of passing me his recent bug have also been put to rest so far. I have been eating well. Some sweet potatoes, carrots and peas have been introduced into my meals, together with the usual rice cereals and milk. Papa says that I will slowly be introduced to more cooked food once I pass my first six months.

I want to wish my Aunties Su May and Michelle both a very happy birthday. They celebrated their '21st birthdays' this weekend past. Papa says that I will soon come to learn that birthdays are always timeless for women above the age of 21.

I do also want to wish my darling cousin Debbie a very happy birthday! She is nine years old. We had a candle blowing celebration for her today. She had specially requested for her favorite chocolate cake. She's my only female cousin of six others on papa's side of the family. What a very special person she is to us all. She is blessed with so much happiness.

My very first home video! Grabbing and grasping.

Day 162 (Thursday 14th September 2006): My monthly visit with Uncle Simon at Mount Alvernia Hospital arrived. It turned out to be more of the usual. One jab on either thigh and some medicine squeezed down my throat. These will be the last set of major jabs for a while. Uncle Simon said that I appeared well and have been developing steadily. I have put on five hundred grams since my last weigh-in a month ago. I now weigh about 6.6kg. I took the jabs like a big boy. I cried a little but not very much.

Papa came down with his own bug today. He is feeling very much under the weather and has a bad sore throat and an achy body. He has been wearing a face mask to avoid contaminating me. He's been resting at home for the most part of the day.

This evening we had surprise guests. Aunty Angela and my little friend Amber came to visit me at home. It was a refreshing exchange of smiles and love. Aunty Angela was mummy's very good childhood friend. She used to sing with mummy's choir too. Amber is only a few years older than me. She tried holding me in her arms, but I was too squirmy for her. I hope to see her more often. Overall it's been a slow and relaxing day today.

Day 161 (Wednesday, 13th September 2006): I survived my physiotherapy today at the Mount Alvernia Hospital. It is the last session with Aunty Polly as she is moving on to another job elsewhere. She tested my back and neck muscles today. I still can't sit up as well as she would like me to. I also have to learn to hold my head up better. I am sure I will get stronger with time. We paid a visit to the nurses at the NICU too. Nurse Joanne was on duty today. She hadn't seen me for some time and was excited to see how much I had grown. Papa said that I had a frown etched on my face as I peered around the room. There was a familiarity about the place that made me a little unnerved. But this was quickly put at ease by the smiles and love that all the nurses there showered me with. They are the best.

In the afternoon, we had lunch with my Great Grandma Claire. She was thrilled to see me as usual. We spent the afternoon with her. Papa says that while I was having my afternoon beauty nap, Great Grandma was silently praying over me all the while. I slept for almost three hours this afternoon.

Later that evening, I had tea with my grandparents (mummy's side). They are leaving for a holiday in Australia tomorrow. They will be catching up with our relatives in Sydney and Melbourne. Two of them have been recovering from major surgery- one of them from spinal surgery and the other from major heart plumbing works. Both are recovering well. I want to wish them both a speedy recovery.

It's days like these when papa and I spend much time together, that I sense he misses mummy the most. Papa says it's like walking with one leg, and seeing with one eye. We both miss you very much mummy. Even though it's been five months, the hurting hasn't stopped. Wish you were here.

Though in great distress
At this terrible blow,
I have held onto my life.
But I can't keep my tears.
My tears can't endure my grief

- Doin Hoshi

Day 159 (Monday 11th September 2006): I have a busy week ahead. I have reflexology on Tuesday, physiotherapy on Wednesday and my regular checkup with Uncle Simon (the baby doctor) on Thursday. I am definitely not looking forward to the physiotherapy. But papa says it is good to go once a month so that I can learn which muscles I am supposed to be exercising and building up. I have a bad feeling about Wednesday. Uncle Simon will be giving me more jabs this week. The last time he gave me one to either leg and some liquid down my throat. Papa gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead, as if to tell me that it might me more of the same this week. There will be the 5-in-1 and the pneumococcus jabs as well as the rotavirus drink. Papa says that it should be the last of the series of primary vaccinations. What a relief for my poor needled thighs.

My grandpa and grandma (papa's side) left for Geneva on Friday to spend some time with my cousins Owen and Oliver, and my Uncle Adrian and Aunty Iris. They were all looking forward to this trip and I will miss them when they are gone.

Day 155 (Thursday, 7th September 2006): Thursday marked my final session of infant massage with Aunty Sharon. She has been a very enthusiastic teacher. I decided that I would stick around for as long as I could for this last massage. Papa was taught to massage my back and face. Although he skipped the face bit because of my rashes. I got to play on my massage mat. Something which I am enjoying. I get to roll over and over to my heart's content. Papa says that I am getting better and more confident at rolling over on my tummy without any help. He thinks it won't be long before I start crawling along my own merry way. That's something I am looking forward to very much. I want to thank my Aunty Julie for organising this series of massages for me. She has also been bringing my cousins Noah, Hannah and Leia along to see me regularly. I hope it won't be long before I can play with them too.

It was my Godsister's birthday on Sunday the 10th of September. Ariana turned four. We headed straight for the bar to celebrate together with her brothers and cousin. Drinks were on her that afternoon. We played ourselves silly.

I held it truth, with him who sings
To one clear harp in divers tones,
That men may rise on stepping-stones
Of their dead selves to higher things.

But who shall so forecast the years
And find in loss a gain to match?
Or reach a hand thro' time to catch
The far-off interest of tears?

Let Love clasp Grief lest both be drown'd,
Let darkness keep her raven gloss:
Ah, sweeter to be drunk with loss,
To dance with death, to beat the ground,

Than that the victor Hours should scorn
The long result of love, and boast,
'Behold the man that loved and lost,
But all he was is overworn.'

- Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memorium

Day 152 (Monday 4th September 2006): Meals have become more exciting for me lately. Papa has started me on semi-solid feeds. I have been eating rice cereal twice a day. And loving it! I am wolfing down three teaspoons of the rice which is mixed with some warm water and milk. I can't seem to get enough of it. Papa says that I may start feeding on organic pureed vegetables from the bottle soon. He senses that I will have a huge appetite when I am able to eat solid meals in future.

I also suffered my first mosquito bite on my left forearm. It was itchy and made my skin swell up. It made me want to scratch it, but I haven't learned how to do that yet. What's worse is that I wear mittens much of the time to prevent me from scratching the rashes on my face. Torture!

Day 151 (Sunday, 3rd September 2006): We were invited to spend an early Sunday morning at the Botanics with Aunty Di. There was the obligatory 'breakfat' at the food court followed by an invigorating walk around the Gardens. It was a refreshing way to start the day. This was followed by morning Mass at the St Mary's Church with my Godma Audrey and her family.

Sunday tea time was spent with my Grandma Dot, Grandpa Ben, Aunties Tini and Kew and my cousins Abbey and Molly. It was Abbey's seventh birthday on Saturday. She was still glowing from all the adulation that she had received on Saturday from her relatives. Not to mention growing from all the food that has been pumped into her since she came to Singapore! Grandma Dot remarked at how tall I had grown. We spent more time together than we have had for a long time. I could perceive a growing sense of peace within her. As she cradled me contentedly in her arms, I think that I reminded her of mummy when she was small. The shadow of sadness still lingers over all of us. I pray that mummy will help sew our broken hearts together again.

Day 150 (Saturday, 2nd September 2006): We had a basketball event in memory of mummy on Saturday. Much effort went into preparing for it. Papa is very grateful to Aunty Sheena and Aunty Prisca for all the time and energy that they put into the organisation. It was held on the grounds of mummy's alma mater- the Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus. The secondary school basketball courts were opened especially for the memorial game. Many of papa's and mummy's friends turned up in support, including many of mummy's former schoolmates and friends that used to play basketball with her. Everyone enjoyed themselves very much. Some turned up to cheer and meet up with old friends, while others came to relive the game.

The women were split up into two teams- red and non-red. Both teams pitted skill and spirit against each other over two games. In the end, it was a draw, both sides winning one game each. The men played in a similar way. The men's red team winning both games. There was plenty of huffing and puffing as unfit bodies tried to emulate more youthful days. Papa said in his case it was truly a case of the spirit willing but the flesh being weak. His beer drinking finally caught up with him that day.

I was presented with a memorial trophy at the end of the games- a basketball signed by all the kind people that attended. I hope that they organise another one next year. By which time I should be old enough to take part. Though I'm not too sure if I will satisfy the minimum height requirements! It was truly a great afternoon of fellowship and remembrance. I could feel mummy's spirit within all of us that day. She would have been very touched by the passionate gesture of each and everyone there. I wish so much that you were physically here with us mummy...

Wild bird, whose warble, liquid sweet,
Rising Eden thro' the budded quicks,
O tell me where the senses mix,
O tell me where the passions meet,

Whence radiate: fierce extremes employ
Thy spirits in the darkening leaf,
And in the midmost heart of grief
Thy passion clasps a secret joy:

And I- my harp would prelude woe-
I cannot all command the strings;
The glory of the sum of things
Will flash along the chords and go.

- Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memorium

MEMORIAL BASKETBALL GAME MEMORIAL BASKETBALL GAME-
Calling all people who have two healthy legs, feet, arms, hands, head, with some passion and a whole lot of spirit- WE WANT YOU! Come and join us for the memorial basketball game that is being held in memory of mummy, who so dearly loved the game. Details:

Venue: CHIJ Toa Payoh Basketball Courts (Singapore)
Date: 2nd September 2006, Saturday.
Time: 5pm

We already have at least twenty people confirmed. So come and join in the fun. There is even a trophy involved. If you can't play, then come and cheer, chat and catch up! Our Guest of Honour will be no less than Evan the man himself. (Disclaimer: organisers take no responsibility for the state of consciousness that Evan will be in at any one time.)