Day 10: As I prepare to leave hospital I try to remember my mummy. Papa says that he has so much to tell me about her. Papa says it is too painful to remember for now. I feel papa's pain. Papa is trying to be strong for me, but I can tell. He tells me when he is alone with me that he misses mummy's hugs, her touch and her company very much. Most of all he misses her love here on this earth. He says that her love from heaven is too far away to feel, no matter what other people say. That he cannot understand how she could be happy in heaven when she had told him that nothing made her happier than being here on this earth with us both. I wish I could grow up to be strong and healthy faster, so that I can help my papa get better. When I grow up, I will be a doctor so that I can try and repair my papa's broken heart.
Dr Simon Ng says that Papa should be able to bring me home early next week. I still need to take my medicines at home though, and papa will have to learn how to feed me properly. Today I was drinking 55ml of milk! Papa says that many people are looking forward to me leaving hospital because they have not been able to visit me in hospital. He says that there will be a burst of loving energy so powerful, it will rival the sun. I don't understand, but papa says I should trust him.
IS HEAVEN IN THE YELLOW PAGES?
Mommy went to Heaven,
but I need her here today,
My tummy hurts and I need her right away.
Operator can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part,
I don't know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don't know why.
Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is Heaven very far away,
is it across the sea?
She's been gone a long time
she needs to come home now,
I really need to reach her,
but I simply don't know how.
Help me find the number please,
is it listed under "Heaven"?
I can't read these big words,
What if I dialled the number seven?
If I call my church maybe they will know.
Mommy said when we need help,
that's where we should go.
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. ~ Washington Irving
dear colin,
ReplyDeleteyou have been so strong for yourself and Evan this past week. I guess you just have to keep your faith in God and trust in Him, that he will keep Fudge safe with Him in His kingdom, where all are happy. Keep strong, Colin, even though it is hard.
Evan will help you ease your pain.
Dear Colin
ReplyDeleteThe nights are hardest I guess, when things are quiet and your tiredness seeps in. What can we say to help ease your pain??
Lean on your friends. We are there to help you but only if you let us - which you have been doing. Most importantly, reach out to our Heavenly Father, especially on this most Holy of nights. Remember, this is the day that Jesus was born again. Remember that His death and Resurrection means that Fudge will have new life and you and Evan will one day be reunited with her. Take heart in that at least.
In the meantime, you must be strong for Evan...and for Fudge. No doubt you will be hearing this constantly! Draw strength through prayer, through your friends and through your family. You are lucky that you have a large communion to rely on in these dark days (and nights).
Even though we are far away, you are always in our thoughts. Take care my friend. Love and kisses to baby Evan.
Nick, Wendy and Arabella
Dear Evan,
ReplyDeleteYou need not wait till you grow up to be a doctor to ease Papa's pain - you must do it now, and you will. In you, Papa will feel Mummy's love for you are the very manifestation of their love for each other.
Tell Papa to grieve - he must. Grief gives strength. Papa has been extremely strong for you, just as you have for him and being strong is tiring indeed. Grieving and praying gives you the strength to carry on, and carry on you must - both of you.
Our prayers are with you, and Mummy too.
EVAN,
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE GETTING MORE AND MORE BEAUTIFUL EACH DAY. GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS.