Day 178 (Saturday, 30th September 2006): I am about to go for my first holiday! It will be to the Indonesian island of Bintan, an hour's hovercraft ride off the east coast of Singapore. I will be going with my cousins Andrew and Timothy and my buddies Lucas and Alexia over the weekend. Papa is looking forward to the break. He is so excited as this will be our first holiday together. It is going to be a beach holiday. That was mummy's and papa's favorite kind of holiday. Papa is hoping that I will come to like it too. Mummy dearest, I know you will be there in spirit with us, but it just isn't the same. I miss you very much. I promise I will take care of myself. Papa will make sure I am well protected against the sun and insects. He misses you very much too. Love you very much mummy. See you when I get back in two days time.

I love playing with my cousin Andrew. He is 12 months older than I am and we get a long very well. He is always leaking saliva from his mouth. He says it's because he is growing sharp things in his mouth called teeth. He says that one day soon I will have some too, and then I will be constantly wet like him. We will be dirty 'droolamons' together!

Memories of the Grateful Living...
Day 6 in the Neonatal ICU: Evan's first yawn on camera.

Memories of the Grateful Living....
Day 6 in the Neonatal ICU: hiccups.

Memories of the Grateful Living......
Video clip of Evan in the hospital neonatal intensive care unit 4 days after his birth. He had oxygen and feeding tubes inserted through his mouth, and needles, drips and monitors piercing all four limbs.

Day 175 (Wednesday, 27th September 2006): It's my grandpa's birthday today (mummy's side). Happy birthday grandpa Ben! Those photos were taken of me and grandpa when I was 24 days old. Papa says it's to remind me how much I have grown since then. He says that I have much to be grateful for even though the road ahead is still filled with so many uncertainties. I will be six months old soon. My Godpa Douglas says that I have done so well. He was there with mummy when I was born. He says that my mummy loved me very much. She never gave up on me that day. She was with me all the way on my difficult journey into this world. But then she had to leave for an urgent meeting with God. Papa says that I will see her again one day soon and that I should tell her all about the good life that I have had on this earth. I think that I will tell her how much I missed her when she was gone. And how much she has missed of me growing up. I will ask her why her meeting with God was so important that it couldn't have waited a while longer. Mummy dearest, if you are listening, I want you to tell God how much missing he is causing me. Love you mummy.

Day 172 (Sunday, 24th September 2006): I attended a special Mass celebration for our beloved Father Keane early this Sunday morning. He celebrates his 80th birthday this year. Mummy's voice could be heard in the choirs that sang for him today. I am sure she would have been conducting her own special concert in Heaven for him. We love you very much Father Keane!

Day 171 (Saturday, September 23rd 2006): I spent the evening on Saturday with papa and some friends by the beach at Sentosa. It was fun. I got to spend time with my friends Alexia, Lucas, Joel and Beth. We had fun playing in the sand and water. The sky was overcast and the weather was cool. While my buddy Joel was building tunnels in the wet sand, his sister Beth spent her time being buried in it. I managed to get my feet wet, but I was having more fun rolling on the beach mat with Alexia. Everyone had a good time. Papa enjoyed himself kicking a football around with the other uncles and aunties. I have discovered that beer and fellowship go well together. We helped to celebrate Uncle Clive's birthday in advance, with a bottle of 'Veuve Clicq' bubbly over dinner.

It was my Aunty Jun Leng's birthday on Saturday as well. Our best wishes to her from Singapore!

Mummy dearest, I think you would have loved being on the beach with papa and me. We found this great eatery just by the beach. Papa says that you have not been to this part of the beach on Sentosa. The setting was relaxing and it wasn't too crowded. Papa says that he was sure you would have loved it. We all yearned for your touch as the sun set on us. Miss you much mummy.

Food, glorious food!

Day 170 (Friday, 22nd September 2006): I have fallen ill again. My nose has been runny and bunged up for the last few days. Today, I started coughing. It's a chesty and wet cough. There was a slight fever last night. But today the fever has gone. I have been given some anti-histamine medicine to control the drippy nose. Papa and Aunty Elena are watching closely to see if I need more medicine in the coming few days.

It was Aunty Sarey's and Uncle Kek's birthdays recently. Happy birthday to the both of them. I spent Thursday afternoon at my buddy Vee Shen's home. We were there to help celebrate his papa's, Uncle Kek's, birthday in the evening. It was fun as always.

You left me, sweet, two legacies,
A legacy of love
A Heavenly Father would content,
Had He the offer of;

You left me boundaries of pain
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me

-Emily Dickinson, You Left Me.

Day 165 (Sunday 17th September 2006): All is quiet on the fever front. I have not had any fever since my jabs on Thursday. Papa's fears of passing me his recent bug have also been put to rest so far. I have been eating well. Some sweet potatoes, carrots and peas have been introduced into my meals, together with the usual rice cereals and milk. Papa says that I will slowly be introduced to more cooked food once I pass my first six months.

I want to wish my Aunties Su May and Michelle both a very happy birthday. They celebrated their '21st birthdays' this weekend past. Papa says that I will soon come to learn that birthdays are always timeless for women above the age of 21.

I do also want to wish my darling cousin Debbie a very happy birthday! She is nine years old. We had a candle blowing celebration for her today. She had specially requested for her favorite chocolate cake. She's my only female cousin of six others on papa's side of the family. What a very special person she is to us all. She is blessed with so much happiness.

My very first home video! Grabbing and grasping.

Day 162 (Thursday 14th September 2006): My monthly visit with Uncle Simon at Mount Alvernia Hospital arrived. It turned out to be more of the usual. One jab on either thigh and some medicine squeezed down my throat. These will be the last set of major jabs for a while. Uncle Simon said that I appeared well and have been developing steadily. I have put on five hundred grams since my last weigh-in a month ago. I now weigh about 6.6kg. I took the jabs like a big boy. I cried a little but not very much.

Papa came down with his own bug today. He is feeling very much under the weather and has a bad sore throat and an achy body. He has been wearing a face mask to avoid contaminating me. He's been resting at home for the most part of the day.

This evening we had surprise guests. Aunty Angela and my little friend Amber came to visit me at home. It was a refreshing exchange of smiles and love. Aunty Angela was mummy's very good childhood friend. She used to sing with mummy's choir too. Amber is only a few years older than me. She tried holding me in her arms, but I was too squirmy for her. I hope to see her more often. Overall it's been a slow and relaxing day today.

Day 161 (Wednesday, 13th September 2006): I survived my physiotherapy today at the Mount Alvernia Hospital. It is the last session with Aunty Polly as she is moving on to another job elsewhere. She tested my back and neck muscles today. I still can't sit up as well as she would like me to. I also have to learn to hold my head up better. I am sure I will get stronger with time. We paid a visit to the nurses at the NICU too. Nurse Joanne was on duty today. She hadn't seen me for some time and was excited to see how much I had grown. Papa said that I had a frown etched on my face as I peered around the room. There was a familiarity about the place that made me a little unnerved. But this was quickly put at ease by the smiles and love that all the nurses there showered me with. They are the best.

In the afternoon, we had lunch with my Great Grandma Claire. She was thrilled to see me as usual. We spent the afternoon with her. Papa says that while I was having my afternoon beauty nap, Great Grandma was silently praying over me all the while. I slept for almost three hours this afternoon.

Later that evening, I had tea with my grandparents (mummy's side). They are leaving for a holiday in Australia tomorrow. They will be catching up with our relatives in Sydney and Melbourne. Two of them have been recovering from major surgery- one of them from spinal surgery and the other from major heart plumbing works. Both are recovering well. I want to wish them both a speedy recovery.

It's days like these when papa and I spend much time together, that I sense he misses mummy the most. Papa says it's like walking with one leg, and seeing with one eye. We both miss you very much mummy. Even though it's been five months, the hurting hasn't stopped. Wish you were here.

Though in great distress
At this terrible blow,
I have held onto my life.
But I can't keep my tears.
My tears can't endure my grief

- Doin Hoshi

Day 159 (Monday 11th September 2006): I have a busy week ahead. I have reflexology on Tuesday, physiotherapy on Wednesday and my regular checkup with Uncle Simon (the baby doctor) on Thursday. I am definitely not looking forward to the physiotherapy. But papa says it is good to go once a month so that I can learn which muscles I am supposed to be exercising and building up. I have a bad feeling about Wednesday. Uncle Simon will be giving me more jabs this week. The last time he gave me one to either leg and some liquid down my throat. Papa gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead, as if to tell me that it might me more of the same this week. There will be the 5-in-1 and the pneumococcus jabs as well as the rotavirus drink. Papa says that it should be the last of the series of primary vaccinations. What a relief for my poor needled thighs.

My grandpa and grandma (papa's side) left for Geneva on Friday to spend some time with my cousins Owen and Oliver, and my Uncle Adrian and Aunty Iris. They were all looking forward to this trip and I will miss them when they are gone.

Day 155 (Thursday, 7th September 2006): Thursday marked my final session of infant massage with Aunty Sharon. She has been a very enthusiastic teacher. I decided that I would stick around for as long as I could for this last massage. Papa was taught to massage my back and face. Although he skipped the face bit because of my rashes. I got to play on my massage mat. Something which I am enjoying. I get to roll over and over to my heart's content. Papa says that I am getting better and more confident at rolling over on my tummy without any help. He thinks it won't be long before I start crawling along my own merry way. That's something I am looking forward to very much. I want to thank my Aunty Julie for organising this series of massages for me. She has also been bringing my cousins Noah, Hannah and Leia along to see me regularly. I hope it won't be long before I can play with them too.

It was my Godsister's birthday on Sunday the 10th of September. Ariana turned four. We headed straight for the bar to celebrate together with her brothers and cousin. Drinks were on her that afternoon. We played ourselves silly.

I held it truth, with him who sings
To one clear harp in divers tones,
That men may rise on stepping-stones
Of their dead selves to higher things.

But who shall so forecast the years
And find in loss a gain to match?
Or reach a hand thro' time to catch
The far-off interest of tears?

Let Love clasp Grief lest both be drown'd,
Let darkness keep her raven gloss:
Ah, sweeter to be drunk with loss,
To dance with death, to beat the ground,

Than that the victor Hours should scorn
The long result of love, and boast,
'Behold the man that loved and lost,
But all he was is overworn.'

- Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memorium

Day 152 (Monday 4th September 2006): Meals have become more exciting for me lately. Papa has started me on semi-solid feeds. I have been eating rice cereal twice a day. And loving it! I am wolfing down three teaspoons of the rice which is mixed with some warm water and milk. I can't seem to get enough of it. Papa says that I may start feeding on organic pureed vegetables from the bottle soon. He senses that I will have a huge appetite when I am able to eat solid meals in future.

I also suffered my first mosquito bite on my left forearm. It was itchy and made my skin swell up. It made me want to scratch it, but I haven't learned how to do that yet. What's worse is that I wear mittens much of the time to prevent me from scratching the rashes on my face. Torture!