Day 18 (Sun, 23rd April 2006): I have been upgraded! My milk was increased to 75ml today, and I love it. Everyone is happy that I can drink so much. My Papa says that my 'umbilical cord' dropped off today too. He says it was disgusting. But my Aunties want him to keep it for me. My Papa said it was so that they can cook it for me to eat one day. He says that it may taste good barbecued. My Aunties gave him the evil stare.
Today I also 'peed' at My Aunty Mely when she was changing my diapers. She moves very quickly. My Papa was laughing. My Uncles and Aunties had warned him of this before. But he had never seen it happen until today. My Aunty Mely said that I was very cheeky.
Our relatives from Australia called Papa today. Uncle CT and Aunty Gerry were much loved by mummy and papa. They spoke to Papa with kind words and offers of help. Papa was sad to hear their voices. It reminded him so much of the happier times with mummy.
My Papa spoke to mummy again. Papa was especially sad today. He said that tonight's family dinner gathering made him feel very sad without mummy. Papa missed mummy very much. He tried very hard to be strong. He tried very hard not to cry. In the end, he said that he could not stop himself. The image of our family without mummy was too heavy to bear. The pain was more than he could stand. The damn had to burst. Memories flooded back. His heart overflowed with tears. Papa said that it was like a tidal wave of sorrow engulfing him. Papa had to hide in his room tonight. He cried softly for many hours alone after dinner. He did not want the others to see him cry. He said he must be strong for them too.
hi evan, it was so good to finally see u today. we shall be praying for u and ur papa always.
ReplyDeleteur mummy loves ur papa and u very very much. although u can't see her, she is always with papa and you in her own special way.
this is such a sad sad time for ur papa especially. all ur uncles and aunties also feel very sad becos we knew ur mummy well and miss her very much.
hi, thou i do not know u nor ur family personally but when i knew this happened, our sadness & tears goes out 2 u & little Evan...watever we say or do, the sadness will remain in u, it takes time to heal, a long long long time 2 heal & u've been strong...continue 2 be strong for the lovely Evan...u r in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteHi there Colin, I know that no amount of words or comfort will ever make this part of your journey feel any easier. But take heart and know that everything happens for a reason. And I am sure that God also has his plans for you and little Evan. Both of you are always in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHi little Evan,
ReplyDeleteYou look better and more good-looking every day. I was sad to hear your papa's voice yesterdday and could not talk very long to him because I would have cried so Uncle CT talked to your papa. Tell papa that I was at church yesterday and asked the St Mary's Church congregation to pray for your mummy, for your papa and for you to grow up strong and well.
Uncle CT, Amy and I went and got you something to remind you that you were born in the year of the Dog (Amy's idea). We hope you like it.
Lots of love A. Gerry
Hi Evan,
ReplyDeleteI'm one of your daddy's friends. Just to let you know, your dad is a very special guy. I had the privelage of knowing him when he first came back from england, struggling hard with his chinese!!!
You know what? at the end, he actually did better than many of the rest of us. Your daddy is a very loving and caring person. He doesn't show it in any gregarious or loud way, but in his own gentle caring interest in you.
It is all through your daddy's effort that he has made a point of keeping in touch with all the people and friends that he felt he has had a connection with. Not many of us can say the same.
Right now, the pain and emptiness that your dad is feeling, I think the poems that your dad is reading, is only but the tip of the ice berg. We can only begin to understand how he feels.... and we can only say, its ok, its okay..... grief sometimes knows no depths. Especially when the loss has occurred in such unimaginable circumstances.
The clouds may be dark right now, and your daddy may feel that it will never end.... But be patient, Evan, your daddy is a tough guy. much tougher than any of us. This terrible blow that he has recieved, will take time to heal. He may think it never will, but trust me,.... it will.
Your daddy will see your mummy through the people that your mummy and him were closes to. Be patient. Give your Daddy time.....
Daddy may at times feel that the the pain too unbearable. But you must give your daddy strength. Talk to mummy and ask her to whisper to daddy during the long nights. Ask mummy to give Daddy peaceful sleep and gentle dreams. The wound may seem forever, but it will heal........time.... time.....
That emptiness may seem never to want to go away, but Evan, you must hold on to your daddy and tell him it will. maybe not now, or for a long time yet, but it will...... its okay not to be brave. all your daddy's friends and family love him very much and would glady share in his sorrow.
But sometimes such sorrows are impossible to share and we can only be there to comfort, to let him know that we care and that it will be alright. time.... time.......believe it. May be not now or for a long time yet, but believe it.... it will be alright. The dark sorrow may seem endless, but hang on..... the light will come.
The memories will remain. and your daddies love for you will grow and slowly and surely it will heal the terrible wound on your fathers side. sometimes your father may think that it will never heal, but don't worry evan, it will. Time....
The scar, your mother's beautiful memories will smoothen it and your love will lessen the pain that it brings.
Have faith, evan, though your Dad has to walk this journey alone, he is surrounded by many, many friends and family who care and love him very, very much. they will be there for you and him. Always. It may seem forever, but he will stand again.
time..... time... its okay. Strength is for the fools. Now is not the time...... Its okay..... its okay..... It will be okay.